[Tango-L] Human Consideration

[Deby Novitz]

As much as I like to think otherwise, I am visible in the milongas.  
Here, everyone watches.  In the milongas and outside.  Tonight I had 
dinner with a man who has nothing to do with tango.  We were talking 
about life here in Buenos Aires.  He made the comment to me that 
"Porteños are always looking, always watching."  This is so very true.  
You never know what people are saying or thinking about you, and 
sometimes this is a good thing.  So in the milongas how you act is 
almost like broadcasting on NPR.  I know people watch me.  A little bit 
of kindness goes a long long way.

Once a group of women I knew from San Francisco were visiting with me.  
They were telling me how at first they danced a lot.  But after a week 
and a half they were no longer dancing that much.  I knew how most of 
them danced.  Further discussion brought out that they were ending 
dances before the end of the tanda.  I asked them why they were doing 
that.  I got all kinds of responses from "the guy was a jerk",  "they 
didn't know how to dance", "cigarette smell" and many others.  I 
explained to them that if they were walking off the floor before the end 
of the tanda other men would see that.  Eventually they were not being 
asked to dance because of this.  These were not "prima ballerinas."  
They were foreign women who danced nicely.  Nothing more or less.

When I explained to them how their behavior was creating the problem of 
not dancing, the response was "I am just a dumb tourist, so it is OK."  
It is not OK, at least not here.  I know when I lived in San Francisco,  
I could end a dance whenever I wanted.  I always waited until the end of 
the tanda.  Rank beginners  were always surprised I would dance the 
whole tanda with them.  Why not?  Many men suffered through my learning 
curve. 

When do I walk off the floor?  When a man is too drunk to dance.  When a 
man is abusive.  When a man does not know who I am or how I dance, but 
he knows I am foreign so he assumes I will accept the blame for his 
dancing poorly.  One night a group of women I know here in Buenos Aires 
that are all excellent dancers came up with this:  A man who does know 
how to dance, but thinks he does, is a disaster.  A man who does not 
know how to dance and knows this, well this is OK. 

I realize when people come here to visit the object is to dance as much 
as you can with the best dancers that will dance with you.  You want to 
dance every tanda at every milonga.  With this mentality you easily 
reject people who do not meet your standard so you can find someone who 
does. Gotta dance, gotta dance.  Here we have another idea - we go for 
quality not quantity. 




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