[Tango-L] Human Consideration
Deby Novitz
dnovitz at lavidacondeby.com
Wed Apr 11 22:46:15 EDT 2007
As much as I like to think otherwise, I am visible in the milongas.
Here, everyone watches. In the milongas and outside. Tonight I had
dinner with a man who has nothing to do with tango. We were talking
about life here in Buenos Aires. He made the comment to me that
"Porteños are always looking, always watching." This is so very true.
You never know what people are saying or thinking about you, and
sometimes this is a good thing. So in the milongas how you act is
almost like broadcasting on NPR. I know people watch me. A little bit
of kindness goes a long long way.
Once a group of women I knew from San Francisco were visiting with me.
They were telling me how at first they danced a lot. But after a week
and a half they were no longer dancing that much. I knew how most of
them danced. Further discussion brought out that they were ending
dances before the end of the tanda. I asked them why they were doing
that. I got all kinds of responses from "the guy was a jerk", "they
didn't know how to dance", "cigarette smell" and many others. I
explained to them that if they were walking off the floor before the end
of the tanda other men would see that. Eventually they were not being
asked to dance because of this. These were not "prima ballerinas."
They were foreign women who danced nicely. Nothing more or less.
When I explained to them how their behavior was creating the problem of
not dancing, the response was "I am just a dumb tourist, so it is OK."
It is not OK, at least not here. I know when I lived in San Francisco,
I could end a dance whenever I wanted. I always waited until the end of
the tanda. Rank beginners were always surprised I would dance the
whole tanda with them. Why not? Many men suffered through my learning
curve.
When do I walk off the floor? When a man is too drunk to dance. When a
man is abusive. When a man does not know who I am or how I dance, but
he knows I am foreign so he assumes I will accept the blame for his
dancing poorly. One night a group of women I know here in Buenos Aires
that are all excellent dancers came up with this: A man who does know
how to dance, but thinks he does, is a disaster. A man who does not
know how to dance and knows this, well this is OK.
I realize when people come here to visit the object is to dance as much
as you can with the best dancers that will dance with you. You want to
dance every tanda at every milonga. With this mentality you easily
reject people who do not meet your standard so you can find someone who
does. Gotta dance, gotta dance. Here we have another idea - we go for
quality not quantity.
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