[Tango-L] The call to tango, and "gender polarization"

[David Hodgson]

This dance of Tango is amazing, hence why I love and a few times have a deep
dislike for it. I do keep dancing.

Brian: “I mentioned the countries and the era in question, not in order to
cite them as historically unique in this regard, but because these waves
were elements in my own development in the USA and in Western Europe.”

Yes I have to agree with you and that we both grew up in a similar time and
over all culture. I don’t know your life background at all, but doubt our
experiences were even remotely similar. What I do see you expounding upon is
the bigger picture. In this vein, because I grew up in the United States,
specifically Seattle, WA. Does not mean I do not have an understanding, of a
few of the principals with in Bushido, which specifically was developed not
in my culture or the time I am living in, but still carries deep meaning.
This would be true of even some of the codes with in Tango that may or may
not work in BSAS. But I do have a good idea of what works on the dance floor
down there.

Brian: “I assume you mean "Is what was working...useful TODAY to ME".”
  
Brian: “As Luciana Valle once told me, "Tango is a social dance, built on
social relationships, and it will change, it must change as those social
arrangements change around it in a changing society." ”

The comment from Luciana is a good one and very applicable here. However
this is not just what was working, or useful for you today. This is the
stuff that works today, yesterday, and tomorrow, in any place and
circumstance you find you’re self. This is also not just about you, it is
about everybody as well.

Brian: “I freely admit to having merely an educated layman's awareness of
"archetypes", with no formal Jungian training.  But a trained Jungian
privately wrote to me saying that she agreed with my usage of the term,
so...there you go.”

I am not formally trained or even deeply educated in Jungian analysis
either. What I understand about Carl Jung is that he took some concepts that
have been around for a very long time. Added some new names and ways of
looking at them, in a really beautiful and effective way. Then made it
palatable and sale able to the intellectual community. Helping with the
evolution of what we know as modern psychology (for as humans evolve, the
concepts, ideals and explanations change as well). If his work has been
fully embraced by this community or not, I could not say. But do know these
concepts have continued to work very well over the past century. Will the
definition you gave work fully outside of the intellectual or psychological
community,,, one wonders. Hence we are back to Luciana’s quote, and one view
that is true about Tango.

Brian: “I am seeking a way for "the decisive, reliable macho masculine and
the sensually alluring surrendering feminine [to be] both encouraged to find
their full expression in tango".

How commanding of you.

I was not referring or thinking about “Depolerazation” at all.
For my personal pallet the terms “decisive, reliable macho masculine” and
“sensually alluring surrendering feminine” has enough frosting to cause
someone to become diabetic, and is rather assumptive. On this level it
leaves the Lead and Follow only on a male/female level. As well, what is
happening in the dance, stays only below the belt, regardless of gender or
preference. So if this approach is true across the board, how are you going
to teach, what you’re asking someone else to learn, who is straight, gay, or
of a different expression? Regardless of the percentages you cited (Overall
the percentages seem pretty good and would run with them). Is this level
important to develop, understand and know? You bet cha bucko!!!

Yes, we have danced with many of the same Follows. Some like the way I Lead,
and some don’t, just like you. The only difference I am assuming here is
that many Follows I dance with (including the floors of BSAS) often
spontaneously start singing when they have been lead in my embrace. Am I one
to say “no” to this or the smile at the end of the Tanda.

There is a whole other world that needs to come into play here and now we
get into the “Masculine” and “Feminine”. I could point out a few things in a
more direct way, but will not at this time. Since you have been asking some
exceptional questions (I mean this), and I understand only a small bit of
the “The Great Mystery”. I need to give an answer with a question.
(Boys and Girls; this is directed to Brian, so don’t get any ideas or try
this at home). 

When you have a partner in your embrace. Who are you dancing with and where
are you dancing?

On an esoteric level; I believe The Lady is calling for you to ask her to
dance, which will be a private conversation.
You can still make a different choice you know.

However; I do think you will understand and respond to a little more of a
pragmatic suggestion to start off with. Take an intensive weekend massage
course without Deb attending or being present. In the area you live, this
should be very easy to find.

So, my thoughts for the moment.
Good stuff Brian.

Thank you also to the Follows for accepting my Lead.
Take care and Dance well.
David~ 

PS: For everyone else.
In the immortal words of Hugh Hefner:
“When Dancing with her and she insists on Leading.
Understand just this.
It all depends on where she wants to lead you.”



-----Original Message-----
From: Brian Dunn [mailto:brian at danceoftheheart.com] 
Sent: Tuesday, September 26, 2006 12:19 AM
To: 'David Hodgson'; 'Tango L list'
Subject: RE: [Tango-L] The call to tango, and "gender polarization"

Hi, Dave, and thanks for replying!

You wrote:
>>>
I do take exception with the assessment of the past 40 years...The
expressions in the world of free-love hippies, Feminism, Gay culture, (etc)
is and always has been around for thousands of years (if not all of the
human experience in one way or another).
<<<

I heartily agree that the gender-impacting cultural movements I mentioned
had antecendents in other cultures at other times.  I thoroughly enjoyed
your references to past cultures, their myths, and previous waves of change
in other times and other places.  I mentioned the countries and the era in
question, not in order to cite them as historically unique in this regard,
but because these waves were elements in my own development in the USA and
in Western Europe.  I believe Kace hails from South Asia and, for all I
know, may have significantly different cultural reference points for the
last 40 years.


You further wrote:
>>>
The other way: Is what was working and what was not, at that time in the
past useful. The core aspects of what a person was doing and how they lived.
This is the stuff that carries weight, because this is the legacy that was
handed to us that works. This is the experience from the Tango dancers of
the past that has the thread of what works in this dance of Tango. 
<<<
I assume you mean "Is what was working...useful TODAY to ME".  One hopes
this question is answered with keen self-awareness, personal integrity, and
some artistic discrimination! I imagine the gory details of gender
stereotypes in "original tango" - of, for example, violent tough-guy pimps
cruelly exploiting seductively submissive social-climbing prostitutes - is
"useful" for some of us - that's not the "what works" that floats my boat in
tango.  As Luciana Valle once told me, "Tango is a social dance, built on
social relationships, and it will change, it must change as those social
arrangements change around it in a changing society."  Take what you need,
and leave the rest in the dustbin of history ASAP!


You further wrote:
>>>
When Archetypes were mentioned in the email. It is mentioned about an
archetype being something you are.  This is way off track. If someone
approaches an archetype in this way, then they remain in fantasy land,
enjoying the sweetness of mind candy, and never really getting to the heart
of the matter...
<<<
I freely admit to having merely an educated layman's awareness of
"archetypes", with no formal Jungian training.  But a trained Jungian
privately wrote to me saying that she agreed with my usage of the term,
so...there you go ;> .


You further wrote:
>>>
I really have issue with this idea of “Gender Polarization”, or even
“Healthy Polarization”. By approaching things in this way, both male and
female have been emasculated into some kind of “uni-gender” which is
frightening."
<<<
*** ALERT -- ALERT -- FUNDAMENTAL MISUNDERSTANDING ***.  :0  
I thought I was pretty clear about this. I repeatedly spoke of
"polarization" (i.e., "opposite poles"; e.g. positive/negative electrical
charges, north/south magnetic poles, masculine/feminine genders).  You seem
to think I mean "depolarization".  I am seeking a way for "the decisive,
reliable macho masculine and the sensually alluring surrendering feminine
[to be] both encouraged to find their full expression in tango".  There's no
tango spark without positive/negative, no attraction between depolarized
magnets.  
>>>
Approaching the idea in this way (at least with in Tango) not
only has the core elements and energy of the Lead and the Follow been
stripped away, but as well, what keeps this a living dance, will become a
guessing game and not something one can step into, discover and learn what
this dance is, with clarity and intention.  This is even true for a naïve
public.
<<<
Dave, being from Colorado, you *know* some of the women I enjoy dancing
with, and you enjoy dancing with them yourself.  Ask them if, when I dance
with them, the tango feels depolarized or "emasculated", lacking "clarity
and intention" ;) ;).  Beyond the misunderstanding, I believe we agree on
the underlying concept.

Maybe you're troubled by my assertion that both men and women have both
masculine and feminine energies in them.  Here's a more detailed assertion,
from David Deida: "80% of males are mostly masculine in their core, 80% of
females are mostly feminine in their core, 10% of males and females are
equally balanced between masculine & feminine, and the remaining 10% are at
their core gender-reversed - yet everyone is somewhere on this continuum,
and almost everyone has at least some trace, however minuscule, of both
masculine and feminine at their core, expressed to different degrees at
different times".  Works for me, you're free to disagree, it accounts for
the behavior I see around me.

So...why do people come to tango?  Over the last nine years, Deb and I have
taught tango together to thousands of beginners.  What seems to attract most
MEN to tango in our gringo-based experience (thanks for the distinction,
Lucia) is the opportunities they perceive in learning this "sexy dance" to
safely and authentically express more of their decisive dependable
"masculine self" more of the time, with "clarity and intention", in the
company of a large number of WOMEN who similarly are seeking to safely and
authentically express more of their radiant adorable "feminine self" more of
the time.  

When we teach a new man apilado-style, so often as Deb flows into his arms
in a heart-to-heart apilado embrace, I see this look on his face of "am I
going to get slapped/sued for harassment/beat up for doing this?"  Such a
guy has often told himself deep down that if he expresses himself in an
authentically masculine way in public with a relative stranger, he will be
humiliated, disciplined and/or rejected. Analogous issues seem to arise for
new women around the idea of feminine surrender in the dance.  

I know I had to work through similar issues of my own when I was called to
tango, called to repolarize my encounters with women by just these same
"magnetic forces".

Our greatest pleasure in teaching tango arises from perceiving and relieving
these knots in people's self-expression, so we can all join on the floor in
public celebration of just being men and women making lovely art together,
giving our gifts completely to each other for a few intense moments until we
say goodbye.

All the best,
Brian Dunn
Dance of the Heart
Boulder, Colorado USA
www.danceoftheheart.com
"Building a Better World, One Tango at a Time"