[Tango-L] The thrill is gone... how to get it back?

[WHITE 95 R]

>From: "Robert Armus" <rarmus at hotmail.com>

>
>Hello everyone : - )
>
>When I first started going out to Milongas to dance I didn't know anyone
>(because I was new in town) nor all the rules and had a GREAT time asking
>everyone and anyone to dance, even though I couldn't execute many figures 
>or
>have much technique for that matter, I was very enthusiastic and did have
>many "Tango moments". Usually the girl I was dancing with enjoyed also, and
>then, of course, inevitably I started to get some bad (sometimes downright
>nasty) reactions. I was told that "you can't do this" and "never do that"
>etc. So after a period of thinking about packing it in I started to take
>classes with some popular local teachers to try and fit in. Now I know the
>rules (social and dancing) and dance how they expect everyone to dance. I 
>no
>longer get nasty comments but I find that the thrill is gone, I feel like
>I'm in a box and have to be very careful not to break any of the rules and
>rarely have those special moments. Does anyone else relate to this? Does 
>the
>thrill come back?
>
>Rob

Dear Rob,

Have faith, you've not lost the thrill of tango at all. Perhaps what you 
thought was the thrill and fun was your exuberance at finding a new toy. 
Like the children who happily run and jump laughing and screaming with 
delight kicking the balls, throwing the wickets at each other and chasing 
each other with the mallets. They are having a blast with the croquet set 
and the lawn, and they are sad and upset when some grownup makes them stop 
their fun and tries to teach them to play and enjoy the real game of 
croquet.

While dancing tango is quite different than playing croquet (and IMHO, much 
more fun (-:). The analogy is similar. Playing the game as it's meant to be 
played and using the structure of the game and the rules, does not take away 
from the fun of it. On the contrary, the game can be much more enjoyable to 
those who can actually play it. To expand on the analogy, imagine what a 
group of players would do if some children ran into their game a started 
kicking the wickets, throwing the balls, etc? Maybe at first and for a time 
or two, they might laugh and enjoy watching the children play. After all, 
it's only a game, right? Of course, for those who really enjoy their game of 
croquet and want to play it without disruption, they'll prevent the 
intrusion and disruption so they might enjoy themselves. They might attempt 
to counsel and instruct the interlopers so they too may join the game and 
play it properly so everyone can have fun.

Likewise in tango, those of us who really enjoy dancing tango in a 
traditional way prefer to enjoy it without undue disruption. The tango has a 
structure and some general rules which came about over time and make it 
possible to enjoy the activity more intensely. I don't like tango police or 
tango nazis running around punishing people of stopping people from being 
expressing themselves through their dance. After all, tango is an artistic 
expression and nobody wants a whole room of cookie cutter dancers who look 
and dance exactly alike. OTOH, it's also a huge bother to have people 
darting about in all directions, against the line of dance and in many ways 
interfering with the flow of the dance. In tango, there are also certain 
social conventions which make it easier and more comfortable for people to 
interact with each other. Ignoring or disregarding these social conventions 
is also undesirable and makes people uncomfortable.

In my experience, dancing the tango in the traditional way and respecting 
the social conventions of the milonga (and of each community) can generally 
improve the enjoyment of the tango experience. It's infinitely more fun to 
enjoy a milonga where one can dance and enjoy without worry of collisions or 
awkward social moments.

Manuel