[Tango-L] Women leading IV

[Caroline Polack]

Okay, I think we are perhaps getting a bit off-track.

So far, we've been talking about women leading. But somehow, somewhere along 
this line of discussion, there's now this assumption that women who lead 
only want to lead and never follow.

Indeed, I don't think that's the case at all. I would like to be able to 
lead once in a while but most of the time, I'm quite happy to follow. In 
fact, now that I am learning a bit about leading, I've become a much better 
follower because I am able to understand the leader much better and I am 
much more able to completely relax and hand over the reins to him.

Let me see if I can find an example.... okay, here's one. For a long time, 
my sister did not know how to drive a car. I hated having her in my car 
because she was always freaking out and thinking that we were on the verge 
of death even though in my 18 years of driving, I've yet to be in an 
accident. She would be pressing down the imaginary brake or she would be 
whipping her head around checking my blind spots and driving me literally to 
distraction. There had even been a time once at 3 in the morning that I 
pulled over to a taxi stand and kicked her out because I've had it. After 
she took a driver's course and got her license, she completely changed. Now, 
when she's in my car, she's very relaxed and completely trusting.

Now, for me, the more I understand how to lead, the better of a follower I 
become. In other words, if I learn to drive, I would be a more understanding 
and comfortable passenger. Of course, only times I don't get to drive the 
car, it's because the man wanted to drive, take control.


Only time I would want to lead is if I want to demonstrate something to my 
partner, or if I am in tango class where the men are far outnumbered by 
women, or I couldn't resist wanting to dance to the music my way, not his 
way.

some of the world's best woman tango dancers are also some of the best 
leaders. To me, this is a bonus point. Sometimes women dance together to 
learn something from each other or because it's just fun. That's it, nothing 
else. It is by no means an attempt to bastardize tango and turn it into a 
spoof of itself.

Here in Montreal, we're very relaxed about same-gender tango. It's not 
common but should there be far more women than men at a milonga, you are 
going to see two women dancing together, they are usually older, not as 
sought after as the younger women. And the general attitude to this is very 
accepting. It's almost like watching your mother and aunt having a jig at a 
family barbecue. I've heard stories of mothers and aunts passing down the 
teachings of tango to their daughters by dancing with them.  That's it, 
nothing more. It's not as though they prefer to dance with women, it's more 
a matter of taking what you've got and making the most of it. When two women 
dance together, you're right, it doesn't have that electric sexual charge 
that would occur between a man and a woman. Instead, it's more like an 
exchange of friendship. Girls are very different from boys that way. girls 
tend to be more open, physically and emotionally than boys. They walk arm in 
arm, or hold hands, just simply because they are girls.  It's the same in 
tango. It's not so strange for women to dance together as it might have been 
for men. perhaps men think or hope there's some lesbian element but I can 
tell you that indeed it's not. Someone said that they would never ask a 
woman to dance if they see her dancing with another woman. Have you ever 
tried? and if so, what was their reaction? I would like to know.

A couple of times at workshops that would usually take place for an hour 
before the actual Milonga begins, I danced with a woman leader only because 
there were not enough men. And I'd be the first to tell you that I much 
prefer to be led by a man because women are too gentle, too soft with 
perhaps the exception of my tango teacher who was the same woman I saw 
leading a man at a milonga weeks ago. And let me tell you, she's as feminine 
as you can get.

I dont know, maybe it's a cultural thing. In Montreal, we're very liberal 
and open-minded. We know that tango is a dance between a man and a woman and 
we don't dispute that or even try to challenge it. But we are not opposed to 
same gender-dancing. It's not so common to see men dancing together except 
if one had a question about leading and the other was answering by 
demonstrating. It's so obvious that it's a learning exercise for them that 
we don't even blink. Same goes for women. You have to understand, women love 
to dance and they really don't want to be sitting on that chair all night. 
But men being typically men, they tend to go for the younger women even if 
they have much less experience. Those older women would have never a chance 
to dance at all if another woman didn't go up to them and say "let's have 
some fun and dance." And in fact, once the men had a chance to see how well 
those older women dance, then they start coming over to ask.

I dont know, it's just funny to me that men are so alarmed and threatened by 
the idea of a woman wanting to lead once in a while as if she wants to usurp 
their role and thus their existence in the tango world. Believe me, 
gentlemen, that will never happen. Women prefer to dance with men and that 
will never change.

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