[Tango-L] Some people would complain if you hung them with a new rope...

[TangoDC.com]

> Of course, we also have a little problem of women only wanting to dance 
> with the
> best leaders - whether or not they are at their level.
>
> Any solutions?
>   
Rather than looking at the root of the problem, which will always be 
part of the tango, perhaps we can think of what everyone can do to make 
it better. In this case, the injured party is the hounded leader: 
presuming this leader is a man, how can he have a better time himself, 
and make sure he keeps showing up at the milongas?

In my experience, there are a few ways to save a dance that's going 
poorly-- e.g., a dance with mismatched skill-levels. First, the leader 
can slow things down, and focus all his attention on taking care of his 
partner. This I find to be part of the "interior tango"-- the mental 
attitude leaders and followers adopt, the mask, the pre-feminist theater 
of it all. If a guy can be a knight and put the woman first, doing 
everything in his power to keep her comfortable, things will usually 
improve. And if you slow things down as a leader, you can try dancing 
(perhaps more conservatively than usual) to the melody instead of the 
rhythm, or to just one instrument, and so on. There are always mental 
exercises available for those with active minds.

Leaders can also use a dance with a less-experienced partner as an 
opportunity to practice core technique, and to see how solid they really 
are. Inexperienced followers often make our backs ache because they 
pull, anticipate, have no poise, hang on us, glue their heads to ours, 
etc. Well, if you follow them down that slouching road and your back 
aches, perhaps you're still more caterpillar than butterfly. If you can 
insist on keeping your axis and so forth-- if you can maintain your own 
comfort and technique, that is-- then the follower may just follow you 
down That path instead. (And if she doesn't, consider it a challenge to 
your disaster-control skills.) If the end-result is nothing more than a 
follower realizing she's out of her league, at least it's something. Now 
she knows what every leader out there has stomached a thousand times.

Then again, some followers (experienced ones) have naughty moods, and 
will backlead with a vengeance. Leaders can use this as a "listening" 
exercise, and see how well they can actually follow while pretending to 
lead. It does, in the end, make you more creative, and it teaches you to 
create moments in which the follower has more freedom than you do.

To take the long view, you can also consider this: If you know 
inexperienced dancers are going to hound you, then start paying more 
attention to the DJ, and decide what music is best for dancing with 
partners of that level. Biagi milongas? Probably not. You could end up 
deeply frustrated, seriously injured, or even bored. Something by Di 
Sarli or Calo? Well, that's much better territory. If you're such a good 
leader, you ought to take the lead in this department as well. (On that 
note, I find that beginners have a great time dancing to Gotan and such.)

Similarly, a leader can decide to dance with (i.e., silently "work on") 
a select move or number of moves, both for the follower's benefit and 
for his. If a girl sucks at boleos, try leading them with different 
"shapes," or altering the timing, or faking her out-- whatever it takes 
to get her really following and you really leading. Or change embraces 
when the song changes keys. Or see how well you can lead her ochos while 
dancing your own. Or see if you can Stop artfully. If you run out of 
ideas, you better not have any pride left either.

Finally, these hounded leaders, if they're so damn hounded, might 
consider offering lessons. Teaching at a milonga is in bad taste; but if 
you're a dancer in high demand, you should recognize the need and do 
your part somewhere else. Then you have license to help dancers improve 
directly. And if you can keep the prices low, so people (especially 
young people) can afford your lessons, you'll soon find the problem not 
such a problem after all.

These are all options that have worked for me, with varying degrees of 
success. They have also malfunctioned with varying degrees of failure, 
but I find there's always Something I can do (or attempt) that improves 
the situation. When it's a lost cause, however, I find that being a 
smoker helps tremendously, because then I can hide outside in the open, 
rather than concealing myself in the bathroom. And if I've just had a 
cigarette and don't want another, I find that starting a conversation 
with an aggressive follower is a good way to solve the problem head-on. 
If her idea was "bailemos," I'll raise the bet to "charlemos," and 
either get to chat, or get her out of my way-- whichever option she 
chooses. (Technique here? Just talk. If she asks you to dance, just say 
"No thanks," and get right back to the conversation. If she insists, 
tell her not to be rude. If you can't make small talk, learn.)

As an afterthought... Sometimes I simply want to dance open-embrace, and 
will sit out the tandas that call for close embrace. But on occasion a 
partner will want to dance close anyway. There are things you can do 
even in these situations. They make this stuff called Cologne; and if 
you put on just a little too much, you can burn your partner's nostrils 
without even trying. If you carry a handkerchief (and every leader 
should), you can take a little off as things progress... At any rate, I 
don't think it a cruel method or anything, considering how many nights 
I've spent dancing with a faceful of someone's hairspray, or with an 
inexperienced drinker's champagne breath all up my nose. (Every leader 
should also carry chewing gum: I recommend Orbit, because it tastes 
great and lasts longer than everything else.)

In the end, this all boils down to a single axiom: A good leader has to 
be a great troubleshooter. There are always going to be nights when it's 
tedious to solve problems, and when you'd rather sit down or leave early 
than compromise your own enjoyment. But if you can merely dance well 
enough to turn down a hungry beginner, you ain't shit compared to 
someone who can make it work.

Jake Spatz
Washington, DC