[Tango-L] Cabeceo

[Caroline Polack]

Like Deby Novitz was saying, more or less, "When in Rome, do as the Romans 
do."

She was basically referring to cultural customs or perhaps just regional 
customs. For example, in Buenos Aires, no one puts their shoes on at the 
table.

In Montreal, we do if only because we have snow, slush, freezing rain, ice 
six months out of the year so wearing our shoes to Milongas is, simply put, 
a very unhealthy idea.

When I drive to Milongas, I never wear my tango shoes (well, not my good 
ones) because the back of my right shoe gets scraped from pressing the 
pedals. So I bring them in a bag and put them on when I get there. Most 
places have coat rooms with benches specifically for that purpose. What I 
especially don't like is when I sit down at a table and have no room to put 
my feet because of all the shoes piled up. They should have been put away in 
the coatroom.

And lastly, since we don't do the art of the cabeceo (sp?), we simply 
stretch out a hand and smile by way of invitation. If we get rejected, we 
smile anyways and move onto the next person without taking any of it 
personally. I have never been asked if I do close or open embrace, and if I 
was, frankly,  I would have been turned off. If you really want to know what 
style a woman dances, just watch her, then you would know.  If two people 
are dancing well together and are comfortable, close embrace will happen. 
You can't force those kinds of things.  If you are shy, you need to learn to 
deal with it instead of expecting an entire community to change their social 
norms according to your insecurities.

And if you are in Buenos Aires, respect the local customs. If you are in 
Tokyo, likewise. And if you are in Montreal, likewise again. Just look 
around and see what the locals do. If they don't do cabeceo, then don't 
expect them to. Not even the art of cabeceo is going to guarantee you a 
dance. And  by the way, you shy guy asking about cabeceo, you've mentioned 
you got asked more than you have asked. You should be flattered instead of 
complaining, for it's not easy for women to ask either.


Caroline

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