[Tango-L] Cabaceo, again

[TangoDC.com]

JK,

Even if all us teachers did our best to teach the cabaceo, it would 
still be two years or so before you'd see the impact on the social 
scene. I'll do my part as often as I can. But I really suggest you get 
craftier on your end of the equation, if you want things to improve.

Here's a gambit I haven't tried, but will next time I'm out of town...

1.
ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
HER: "No, I'm from out of town."
ME: "Me too, let's dance."

2.
ME: "Hi, are you a local?"
HIM: "Yeah."
ME: "Listen, I'm from Denver, and don't know any of the women here. I'm 
also a shy bastard. If I want to dance close embrace, who's good and 
will give me a shot?"
HIM: "I often wonder that myself."
ME: "Come on, give me a hand, dude."
HIM: "That one there in the sequins."
ME: "What about open embrace?"
HIM: "Look pal, this ain't Providence."
ME: "Yeah... well, thanks then."

3.
ME: "Hey, nice mustache."
HER: "I beg your pardon?"
ME: "Uh... uh... Didn't I meet you in Denver?"
HER: "Never been."
ME: "Ah. My mistake. I made a mistake, see; I thought you were someone 
else, ha ha. Halloween thing, you know. Inside joke. SO, uh, you dance 
open?"
HER: "Fuck off."
ME: "Right, so... close?"
HER: "Psssh..."

4.
ME: "Great sequins."
HER: "Thanks."
ME: "You like this song?"
HER: "I could."
ME: "Shall we?"
HER: "You can ask."
ME: "I'm looking you in the eye..."
HER: "I'm looking you back..."
ME: "Wanna dance?"

5.
ME: "Hey, I like your cortinas."
DJ: "Thanks."
ME: "Do you ever dance while you're DJing, or should I resist the 
temptation to talk you into it?"
DJ: "No, I just danced. But check back in a tanda or two."

Shy is shy, sure. But are you generally shy, or is it just a dancing 
thing? You might be better off making small talk with bystanders and 
such folk, rather than just sitting and waiting. If the locals see 
you're engaged and personable, they might notice you more. Try to put on 
your dance shoes where people can see you, if the event's in a bar or 
other public venue, so the locals know you're a dancer. Do whatever else 
you can to non-verbally tell people you want to dance. I mean, shit-- 
you know it's gonna be a challenge, so come up with some solutions. The 
cabaceo's just one way to do it.

Hope that helps while we've got the new batch of dancers learning to 
shoot their glances--

Jake Spatz
Washington, DC


Tango Mail wrote:
> Yet again, let's talk about the eye game.
>
> I was recently out of town, and experienced something that I've experienced before in other cities and in Canada.
> People don't know the eye game! 
>
> I am a slightly shy person who is a little insecure about his own dancing, appearance, etc. 
> I try to avoid the dreaded "walk" at any costs (When you walk to a woman to ask them to dance and they decline, 
> and you have to walk back; usually you'll see most men plop down beside that woman to talk to them as making 
> it appear talking was the reason they went over in the first place, to save face). 
> As a result I end up only dancing with those who accept my cabaceo or that I know from before. 
> I remember few years back when I went to NY and ended up sitting for 3 hours, before someone I knew from
> Denver showed up, and then I danced the rest of the night not sitting down.
>
> A little bit back I visited L.A. and went to two milongas; El Adoquin and El Encuentro. I probably would have sat down 
> even longer than I did on Friday, had an unescorted woman not sat down at my table (place was crowded despite the
> heat and lack of A/C).  But after her, it was still a little difficult to get dances, since I refused to walk across a room to someone. Meanwhile local guys walked up to a woman a whipped them onto the floor not so much as asking if 
> they wanted to dance.  I was asked to dance way more often than I got to ask a woman.  
> There were many follows there that I kept looking at and trying to catch their eye, but to no avail. 
> They either glue their eyes to the floor or when they see you looking toward them, quickly look the other way. 
> And I know some of these women would have wanted to dance with me since some of them were the ones asking me, 
> by walking up to me to ask.
> Saturday was better since I knew Jaimes, the visiting teacher and DJ, and one of the local women from Denver.
> So on Sat I was on the floor right after I got my shoes on. But later on it was same problem as Friday. I got asked more
> than I did, and again there were a few follows I did not get to dance with that I really wanted to dance with.
>
> What I propose is that community leaders and teachers talk about what cabaceo is. People don't necessarily have
> to do it on a regular bases, but that all would know what it means if someone is staring at you and nodding toward
> the dance floor; especially if the person doing it is not known to you. This isn't an American dance and when someone
> stares at someone it isn't to judge how they're clothed (unless that judged is on the floor, then they're free-range
> chicken to be critized and complemented all you want, as is often done, for their shoes, dance style, clothing, 
> even hair style. Good O'le gossip). 
> Even at home and in Denver I get 90% of my dances using cabaceo. It was someone extremely brilliant and assuredly a shy person who came up with asking for dances using eye contact and I wish more people would use it / understand it. 
> Yeah-yeah you can always say get off yer arse and walk up to someone, but the person saying that doesn't 
> necessarily have any insecurities and is probably not a shy one.
> I remember how little I danced when I was still doing ballroom, and dreaded the walk; I would only ask people from
> my own studio (at social dance events), and rarely asked someone across the hall. There, of course, isn't cabaceo in
> ballroom; People stand, bow, offer their hand, and ask the woman for a dance, ideally.
>
> I'm not looking for a ton of people telling me I'm lazy and all that good List sh*t. I just wanted to offer my perspective 
> on the issue and hoping to promote cabaceo a little more.
>
> Ciao
>
> JK of CS
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