[Tango-L] Surrender: Trying again

[Caroline Polack]

According to dictionary.com, surrender means:
To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or 
compulsion.
To give up in favor of another.
To give up or give back (something that has been granted): surrender a 
contractual right.
To give up or abandon: surrender all hope.
To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion: surrendered 
himself to grief.
Law. To restore (an estate, for example), especially to give up (a lease) 
before expiration of the term.

For me, surrender means to relinquish control, to let go.

My father said something very interesting when I was talking about my tango 
partner's struggles in learning to dance the tango. I was talking about his 
stiff self-conscious awkwardness, which runs so contrary to that essential 
"l'air de tango."

My father said, "he needs to learn how to let go."

And that's precisely it. To surrender. My partner is very uptight, not just 
in tango but in just about everything. If he would learn to let go of 
himself, or  in MIchael's words, to embrace himself, then he would be the 
quintessential leader. He does have the passion but no idea how to freely 
express it because he's so locked up within himself as if he's putting way 
too much pressure upon himself.

For me, when I think of the best leaders I've danced with, I've noticed a 
commonality between all of them which is an apparent lack of ego or bravado. 
Instead of thinking about themselves, they just surrender to the music and 
to the pleasure of having a woman in their arms, no matter if she's 
experienced or not. They are the kind who would never let a woman feel 
incompetent or humiliated but instead as though it's been a sublime 
privilege to share this wonderful thing called tango with them. The worst 
leaders are the ones who don't pay attention to a woman's skill level and 
instead try to guide her into doing moves that are obviously beyond her 
knowledge of the choreography, thus shaming and humiliating her. They are 
the worst because they are only focusing on themselves instead of making it 
a wonderful experience for them both. In other words, they didn't surrender 
to the experience but to their own egos with complete disregards for the 
women's.

Caroline

_________________________________________________________________
Watch music videos on Sympatico / MSN Video! 
http://video.msn.com/v/en-ca/v.htm?t=c317&f=38/81&p=ENCAmusic_ENCAvideos 
Sympatico / MSN Video!