[Tango-L] Women stop studying, and the Tango Paradox

[Nussbaum, Martin]

	The recent thread by Ron Weigel and Tom Stermitz, as to the varied
reasons why women stop studying (Astrid, your nirvana-for-leaders community
is a rare exception)is the prologue to what I call the Tango Paradox.  The
tango teachers never discuss the tango paradox, they wish to sustain the
illusion that as you improve you will have more partners, not less.  For the
upper tier professionals, there is no paradox, since as they continue to
improve, the rewards are clear-- more commercial opportunites for teaching
and performances.  
	
	For the non-professional, the paradox is that the better you get,
the fewer partners there are with whom you will feel truly satisfied.    I
look around the room sometimes in my community (NYC)when I take an
"advanced" workshop, with the clear majority of men, and I see personality
types I know very well: driven, focused, obssessive.      
{I've seen desperate teachers pull in women from the hallways, even total
novices; as this continues, its a wonder to me that any women at all
register and pay in advance for advanced workshops.) 
If you are an average looking middle age schlub like me striving for better
than average skills, your only real opportunity to stretch and explore your
limits is either privates or that rare time a teacher will accept a social
dance with a non-student.  (I know that good teachers work hard, and are on
their feet all day with classes and privates, so unless they are at the edge
of the dance floor shuffling in the rhythm of the music- what I call a
"super cabaceo"- I am reluctant to ask them for a dance. )  Yes, dancing
with that pretty young thing who stopped taking lessons is great for your
ego even though you know your axis, technique, and posture are getting shot
to hell.   Not to mention the soreness in your lower back you will feel the
next day.  One female teacher at the Boston Festival advised me that its
preferable to sit out the tanda than dancing with someone that will
compromise your technique. Sound advice, but hard to do, since we live to
dance. 
	
	 So, leaders, just accept that you are studying and getting better
not for the sake of others, or for impressing the women, but because of who
you are, what makes you tick, and why you love the tango.  It is an
expression of your personality, and ideally you want to express this
artistic side of your personality to its fullest.   As Gavito said, "the
tango is my tango, and no one can take that from me."   If you are dancing
for others, and are past intermediate, stop wasting time on lessons, just
keep dancing, and eventually your skill will settle at the average of your
local partners, and you will be happy.  If you study because you want the
tango to be YOUR tango, your expression, its as if you must paint a picture
even if no one will see it, or write poetry even if no one will read it.
Keep studying, chill out.  Life is not fair, it is full of paradoxes, most
of which are a lot more serious than the perfect tango partner or moment.