[Editors] Humor for Lexophiles

[Catherine Avril]

Many oldies, but a few newer ones are interspersed.  Enjoy!



>  HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES :
>
>  I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
>
>  Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
>
>  Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's 
>all right now.
>
>  The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
>
>  The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind 
>in his work.
>
>  To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
>
>  When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
>
>  The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
>  large.
>
>  A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
>
>  A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
>
>  Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
>
>  We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
>
>  When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
>
>  The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
>
>  The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
>
>  The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
>
>  If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.
>
>  A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
>
>  A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
>
>  A will is a dead giveaway.
>
>  Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
>
>  A backward poet writes inverse.
>
>  In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your 
>Count that votes.
>
>  A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
>
>  If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
>
>  With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
>
>  Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
>
>  When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
>
>  The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine has fully recovered.
>
>  A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum
>  Blownapart.
>
>  You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
>
>  Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
>
>  He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
>
>  A calendar's days are numbered.
>
>  A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
>
>  A boiled egg is hard to beat.
>
>  He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
>
>  A plateau is a high form of flattery.
>
>  Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
>
>  When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
>
>  If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
>
>  When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
>
>  Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
>
>  Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/editors/attachments/20071018/97324eee/attachment.htm