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<div>Many oldies, but a few newer ones are interspersed.
Enjoy!</div>
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<blockquote><br></blockquote>
<blockquote><br></blockquote>
<blockquote>> HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES :<br>
><br>
> I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit
me.<br>
></blockquote>
<blockquote>> Police were called to a day care where a
three-year-old was resisting a rest.</blockquote>
<blockquote>></blockquote>
<blockquote>> Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was
cut off? He's all right now.</blockquote>
<blockquote>><br>
> The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir
Cumference.<br>
></blockquote>
<blockquote>> The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a
little behind in his work.</blockquote>
<blockquote>><br>
> To write with a broken pencil is pointless.<br>
><br>
> When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.<br>
><br>
> The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small
medium at<br>
> large.<br>
><br>
> A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.<br>
><br>
> A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a
hardened criminal.<br>
><br>
> Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with
stalking.<br>
><br>
> We'll never run out of math teachers because they always
multiply.<br>
><br>
> When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.<br>
><br>
> The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a
number on it.<br>
><br>
> The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on
shaky ground.<br>
><br>
> The dead batteries were given out free of charge.<br>
><br>
> If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your
memory.<br>
><br>
> A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.<br>
><br>
> A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.<br>
><br>
> A will is a dead giveaway.<br>
><br>
> Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.<br>
><br>
> A backward poet writes inverse.<br>
><br>
> In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's
your Count that votes.<br>
><br>
> A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.<br>
><br>
> If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.<br>
><br>
> With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.<br>
><br>
> Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you
A-flat miner.<br>
><br>
> When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.<br>
><br>
> The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine has fully
recovered.<br>
><br>
> A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in
Linoleum<br>
> Blownapart.<br>
><br>
> You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.<br>
><br>
> Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.<br>
><br>
> He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.<br>
><br>
> A calendar's days are numbered.<br>
><br>
> A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.<br>
><br>
> A boiled egg is hard to beat.<br>
><br>
> He had a photographic memory which was never developed.<br>
><br>
> A plateau is a high form of flattery.<br>
><br>
> Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the
end.<br>
><br>
> When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.<br>
><br>
> If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.<br>
><br>
> When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd
dye.<br>
><br>
> Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.<br>
></blockquote>
<blockquote>> Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.</blockquote>
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