[Tango-L] The Tango Invitation or simply a lead

[Alexis Cousein]

On 02/02/2011 00:25, Anton Stanley wrote:
> Can it really be true that the inviter invites his partner to take a step or
> make a movement, waits while the invitee considers the request, then waits
> for the invitee to begin to execute the request and follows invitee to the
> successful or not, conclusion of the invitation.

You're making it sound as if these are a sequence of discrete and
non-overlapping events. Obviously, that isn't so, but the sense that
both partners are communicating their desires *and* listening is very
real.

> In my limited experience most "invitees" prefer an "invitation" with a high
> degree of assertiveness and control.

In my (not so limited) experience most invitees like a high degree of
assertiveness but good followers will loathe a degree of control that
is unilateral and stifling.

Leading is one thing, and dictating is another. Leaders aren't
dictators, and dictators aren't really leaders...a leader makes
it impossible for anyone to fail to understand his intention,
will even make it hard for anyone to actually do anything
frankly incompatible with his intention, but that leaves quite a
bit of wiggle room (and even room for negotiation, particularly
about timing).

One of my current dance partners has just returned from a trip to
BBAA. If anything, she's become extremely assertive, but that's
made her a better follower. If only because I'm no longer responsible
for absolutely everything.

> I'm sick of saying sorry. Sorry! So sorry!

 From the tone of your post, you seem to have stopped saying sorry for
quite some time ;).

Saying sorry isn't something you should be doing anyway. It's a
cop out (at least if it's not actually followed by something that
will remedy the situation). What we should be doing is improving.