[Tango-L] Male / Female defining the roles

[Trini y Sean (PATangoS)]

Well, Mario, that's certainly a perspective we haven't covered in depth on this list, have we?

I actually agree with you, with the exception of what happens between really good friends.  Most men I know would prefer to ask, in part, I'm sure, because women are usually terrible at accepting rejection when they are the ones asking.  They'll pout, look discouraged, might raise a fit, whereas a man receiving a refusal will just smile and reassure a woman that her decision is fine.  I also want to specify "really good friends".  There's a difference between friends at a milonga and friends you allow into your life. 

Personally, I prefer that the man ask me to dance, particularly if the man is really musically sensitive and a good dancer.  It gives me a sense that he'll give it his all.  More likely to get a dance that is "memorable" than "okay".

So what happens if there's a particular type of music I'd prefer for dancing with a man?  I simply make myself more or less available for being asked.  I like to at least give him the illusion that he picked the music. ;-)   

It's easier if I'm deejaying (hence, I will almost always say yes to the DJ whether he cabeceo's or asks verbally).  If I'm not deejaying and the DJ is pretty good, then there's usually a flow that I can follow to pick my partners.  If the DJ is bad, well, it's harder to get the right dances period.

If I ask a man to dance, I hope it conveys my confidence in his dance (since I'm known as musically sensitive).  I do like it when men indicate that they're hoping to dance milonga/Di Sarli/Biagi etc. or whatever with me.  I see it as giving me permission to ask them to dance for those tandas.

I've noticed that women will tend to zero in on certain guys when milongas or alternative tandas are played, probably because they are fewer good dancers and those tandas are not played as often as tango.  Guys who really love milonga or alternative will narrow their field considerably, as well.  When I see this happen, at least I know that people are developing some musical sensitivity, even if it's on a limited basis.

What do other ladies prefer?

Trini de Pittsburgh