[Tango-L] Socio-ethical behavior and protocol

[Sergio Vandekier]

Myk says:  "Perhaps most, but certainly not all, as is made clear by the discussion about couples attending milongas separately, pretending not to be in a relationship, in order to dance with others."
 
Hi Myk,  Argentine couples do not come to the milonga and sit separately,   Only visiting couples from abroad do that.
 
With respect to this point is convenient to remember that the milonga is like a private club. People that come regularly know each other. It would be absurd for a couple to sit separately, since everybody knows they are a couple and no man will ask the lady to dance.
 
Myk also says: "It doesn't stop foreigners walking up and asking for dances, since the foreigners often don't know the traditions. So why keep this silly tradition? "
 
If somebody comes to a table where an Argentine couple is sitting, to ask either of the members of that couple to dance, the answer is going to be a polite refusal. If the man used cabeceo and was accepted by the lady, this will not be enough, the protocol will require that the man comes to the table and looking at the male companion of the lady asks permission to dancee with her. He will say:
"con permiso" (with your permission). In this way acknowledging that the lady has a companion.
 
 Even when women are sitting alone they will not dance with men that come to the table to ask for a dance. 
 
This behavior is considered very poor manners. The invitation to dance must be done with a stare and a nod (cabeceo).
 
In the play of connecting with the stares  everybody can participate. Avoiding a stare is enough to prevent an encounter.
One seeks a stare or avoid it. No pressure is ever exerted. Everybody knows that only a dance wished by both partners has the capacity to produce enjoyment and passion.
 
 
 The man never places himself in front of the lady that he wishes to invite to dance. He places himself to a side, so that the woman may notice him but at the same time may avoid his stare if she does not wish to dance with him.
 
Only poor dancers, or inconsiderate men come from the side or from behind to ask a lady to dance. 
 
Myk I am sorry you do not like our traditions.  You see, people came and still come from all over the world to live here.
 
They bring their customs  with them.  Our culture is a melting pot that has resulted in a very distinct one. 
 
We have changed many things at the right time and have kept others that we like and have served us well  .
 
When you call some characteristics of our culture silly, you have to keep in mind that tango is a reflection of that culture.
 
We and the rest of the world like and treasure tango as it is.
 
Summary: Please dance the way you like and allow others do the same.
 
Best regards, Sergio