[Tango-L] Ghandi and the cabaceo

[Deb Sclar]

Happy T-day, everyone! 

First of all, I think Megan & Tom added nicely to the discussion (gracias, chicos). 

In my experience (both leading & following), the cabeceo is VERY useful & furthermore enjoys a very robust & vital life even though not everyone uses it.

The conclusion Valerie draws: "Everyone needs to be using it" more or less exclusively or it doesn't work/exist is like saying "everyone must speak English or we can't communicate." It's like stating "everything is easier in Argentina." (lol!) I mean no disrespect...I adore Argentina.

But to my point...it's very true that turning down a verbal invitation can be challenging, but let's face it...rejecting a dance (via cabeceo or whatever) isn't easy, no matter WHAT or who or when. It sounds to me, Valerie, that you are like me in your preference to handle all invites with courtesy & respect (at the very least, to be polite), ESPECIALLY the invites you turn down. This is a noble pursuit for those of us spending a lot of our time dancing tango. If an Invitee chooses to respond negatively to a rejection (hates you!? vamos!!!), that's THEIR lesson to learn. Just as the Invited who chooses to be rude in their rejecting, has THEIR lessons, no?

But look around you...the cabeceo is alive & well & used constantly...on & off the dance floor, precisely because it's so wonderfully universal & effective. Think about how people signal for taxis or waiters or or or. In the USA, in Europe & in BsAs, I have found that dancers use a universal language of gesturing that includes the cabeceo but is by no means limited to that. There are in fact unlimited variations (many incredibly charming ones) to match the individual, the mood, the situation, etc. 

I prefer the cabeceo myself, especially with strangers, but there are instances (when I'm with friends, for example, or at a poorly lit milonga) when a verbal invitation is natural & appropriate. Another example - it's very common to be invited verbally when leaders who want to share a tanda with me, know I'm with my regular partner. They ask verbally...my partner first, then me. This courtesy is practiced regularly among experienced dancers everywhere I've been privileged to dance. Another example: the verbal agreement to share a tanda IN ADVANCE of a given milonga. Very common indeed. I'm sure we can all think of many more examples. 

So keep your options & your minds open, be creative & have FUN!

Adios,

Deb Sclar
www.danceoftheheart.com 


-----Original Message-----
From: tango-l-bounces at mit.edu [mailto:tango-l-bounces at mit.edu] On Behalf Of Valerie Dark
Sent: Wednesday, November 25, 2009 8:19 AM
To: Tango List
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Ghandi and the cabaceo

Myk,

That's it! It's funny. On my trips to Argentina, I've never once had a
bad dance. At home I can get them a lot. It's just as Myk said. If I
don't respond to a nod from someone at home, he never concludes that I
do, in fact, "get it," and that's precisely WHY I'm not nodding back!
He marches up to me and forces that face-to-face confrontation. Well,
those guys I don't mind saying no to, and usually they hate me after
that and don't come back again. Otherwise, I find it hard to turn down
basically nice guys that come up to me at home.

The only people that ever came up to me in Argentina were either
non-Argentines or lesson hustlers. I said no each time and never
regretted it. I sized up the dancers while I sat and I only every
looked at the ones I liked. I didn't canvass the whole room ready to
dance with just anybody! Sometimes I sat a long time, especially in
the sportier, more trendy milongas, but I didn't care. (Well, maybe a
little.) But I never had one bad dance.

Actually, everything is easier in Argentina.

Valerie

On Wed, Nov 25, 2009 at 6:04 AM, Myk Dowling <politas at gmail.com> wrote:

> Tom and Megan are missing the point of the complaint. Unless cabaceo
> usage is used virtually exclusively, women cannot use it to politely
> _avoid_ dancing with people. This is because men will simply assume the
> lady does not get cabaceo, and walk up to ask. A proportion of people
> using cabaceo is not sufficient for this feature to work. _Everyone_
> needs to be using it, and not using it needs to be commonly accepted as
> being rude or unthinkable.
>
>
> Myk,
> in Canberra
>
> _______________________________________________
> Tango-L mailing list
> Tango-L at mit.edu
> http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l
>



-- 
Cryptic Ember - The tango blog of Valerie Dark (my pseudonym)
http://crypticember.blogspot.com
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