[Tango-L] The Do's and Don'ts of Inviting and Accepting

[Joe Grohens]

Vince wrote:
> http://www.close-embrace.com/invitingetiquette.html
> Should be required reading for newbies
Hi Vince, et al.
I agree that Ney's article is an interesting discussion of dance  
invitation situations, and it's certainly worth reading.
I don't know if I would make it "required reading for newbies". Some  
newbies can take a document like this as a set of absolute rules, and  
obey them whether they make sense or not.
I don't agree with everything Ney mentions. And I think it is  
misleading to say that these viewpoints come from conversations with  
"milongueros".
...
I don't really agree with the "penalty box" rule, for example. I don't  
see why a woman has to sit out a tanda or even just one song because  
she turned somebody else down.
I think women can say "no thanks" without needing to explain why and  
dance with who they want.
If you're at a small milonga and all the women are turning down guys  
(or maybe just one persistent guy) by saying "I'm resting", and then  
they all sit out in the penalty box, you can start to have a pretty  
empty dance floor.
I have had it happen where several women in a row told me the same  
thing: "I want to dance with you but I can't right now because I just  
turned somebody else down." I was apparently following the well-trod  
path of a rejectee. Meanwhile, time's winged chariot is delivering the  
close of an all-too-brief milonga.
.....
If women feel like they have to give a reason (suppose the guy says  
"really? why not?"), in my view they should give the real reason, and  
not claim to be tired or resting.
I have heard women say, for example, "I would dance with you if you  
would towel off and change into a dry shirt, but I don't want to get  
soaked in your sweat."
I have heard women say, "I would love to dance with you, but you hurt  
me. You need to learn how to lead better before I'll dance with you at  
a milonga."
Guys can deal with this (I think) because it's honest and it  
identifies the thing they need to fix if they want to dance with that  
particular partner.
....
It is true, though, that if a woman turns me down with an "I'm  
resting" excuse, and then dances a few seconds later with somebody  
else, I will not ask her to dance again (probably ever). Because I  
have to assume that she just doesn't like dancing with me, and is too  
courteous to tell it to me straight. Or maybe she has an amazing  
aerobic capacity and can recharge after 20 seconds rest. If she says  
"not right now" or just "no", on the other hand, I won't be as likely  
to interpret that as "I don't like dancing with you".
....
I think it's gauche to take your shoes off as a signal that you don't  
want to dance. But I suppose that's just me.
.....

What are the best and worst rejection lines you have ever heard (or  
used yourself)?

- Joe