[Tango-L] Surplus Tanguera - Not

[Jake Spatz]

Valerie Dark wrote:
> My boyfriend is a fine dancer. [...] the women simply hound him. He finds it difficult to turn them down. He finds it hard-hearted, so he ends up dancing with a lot of women he doesn't even want to dance with.
>   
(a) He must learn to turn them down. So far he's only learned to be a 
pushover, from the sound of it.

(b) It can be difficult to lead well when a woman does the inviting, 
because leading is all about initiative-- and that starts with the 
invitation to dance. If your boyfriend can dance the woman's part and 
likes to, let him accept a woman's invitation and dance the woman's 
part. If she's not going to lead, she shouldn't be asking, and one can 
point this out nicely. Very simple.

(c) When people are asking, they really have to be asking. Not 
demanding. This goes for everybody.
> They often tell him, with pride in their voices, that they are independent and aggressive women who have no fear about
> extending invitations to men. I wonder how they expect him to respond
How about "You should ask that guy over there, because I like to ask 
women too. Have you seen Val anywhere?"

Really, if the behavior of these women is as ravenous and rude as you 
describe it, I can't see how any man of integrity would stand up to 
condone it. These women want to be "macho," but they get it completely 
wrong. Why is he afraid of fending off their aggression? Certain modes 
of conduct don't deserve to be respected.

Men should learn to hang out with men at the milongas. Then if some 
tough girl wants to walk up to five men and ask for a dance, let her.

Jake