[Tango-L] Mercy of men?

[Deby Novitz]

I have never been at the mercy of any man, except maybe my father when I 
was not allowed to go out on a school night.  How interesting to say 
this as a woman:

When a dance relies on the male to lead and female to follow in principle, female are more on the mercy of the men.  Period.
Bibbi Wong


In what social partner dance does a follower not rely on the lead?  Social dances have been traditionally - man leads - woman follows.  Ballroom, salsa, cumbia, swing, and sigh...tango.  

I have to say that I agree with Felix.  Tango allows a woman and a man to be just that - a woman and a man.  American culture IMHO has emasculated men.  They are afraid to celebrate us as women for fear of being branded. Women are more intent on being equal, being better than a man, rather than just being spectacular as women.  I never understood in business women who wanted act like men.  Why not be better - as a woman acting like a woman?

I worked for more than 23 years in a male dominated profession.  I carried my own computers.  I hacked my own code.  I never expected any man to do my job for me.  I never once felt compromised as a woman.  I never once felt the need to dress like a guy to be treated like one.  Clients used to laugh at me hauling computers to another floor in heels.  The computers got moved.  That was the point. The job got done.

The same for me in tango.  I never once felt the way I dressed would brand me as a prostitute. I never once felt the need to dress in either direction - baggy pants, covered from the neck down, and those horrible dance sneakers or in dresses way too tight - meant for someone half my age tottering on heels too high.  In the milongas here I am considered elegant, as always. My appearance is important to me. It always has been. This is true of all my Argentine women friends.  They take pride in how they look. We want the men to dance with us.  I do not dance with women.  I have no desire to lead.  Tango for me is a dance between a man and a woman. I have never once felt compromised as a woman or at the mercy of a man because I am a follower and I must wait to be invited to dance.  The anticipation, the seduction, is all part of the tango. If I am invited to dance to music I love with a man who can, I am thrilled.  If I sit the whole night with no dances in the company of good friends, sharing a bottle of champagne and friendship, I feel blessed. 

Why does everything have to be about winning?  Why does everything have to be a contest?  Why does everything have to be something or someone against something or someone?  Why can't people relax and just enjoy.  There is something about the Argentine mentality of live for today that makes life so nice here.  Men vs Women, Leader vs Follower, Nuevo vs Traditional, cross in front vs cross in back.  Why oh why cannot you people understand that tango is not about sexual harassment, badly dressed people, and a battle of the sexes.  It is a social dance.