[Tango-L] Conflict

[Keith]

Jay,

Hey, maybe we should ask everyone to send in their own list of rules. I'm sure we can get at least 100. 

Reviewing your rules again:

Rule No. 1 - Your final sentence really sounds like an attack on me rather than any opinion I expressed.
Rule No, 2 - Your final phrase sounds sarcastic.
Rule No. 3 - You seem to be telling me that I'm wrong. What happened to "I disagree".
Rule No. 4 - I really didn't feel any empathy in your reply.
Rule No. 6 - "Since you say IF you don't value ....." you obviously have doubts about what I mean. Why didn't you ask me?
Rule No. 7 - No humour in there. 

Seems you broke at least 6 of your 7 rules and caused conflict. Tsk, tsk.

Maybe I could add a rule - Don't be condescending.

Keith, HK    
 

On Sun Sep 30 16:18 , Jay Rabe  sent:

>Keith, I wasn't in any way telling you how to post. I merely pointed out that one of the costs of conflict and flame wars is an unwelcoming 
environment for new dancers. And I pointed out that IF one values growing the community, and IF one values a list that is productive in discussing 
substantive issues in tango, then the guidelines proposed would help achieve those goals. If you don't value those things, then feel free to carry 
on as you have in the past.        J
>
>> From: keith at tangohk.com> To: tango-l at mit.edu> Date: Sun, 30 Sep 2007 03:08:01 -0400> Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Conflict> > Hmmm. I don't mind people 
giving their opinions on whatever they want, provided I have the opportunity to reply. And I don't mind being > flamed for anything I might say. 
People can say whatever they want - I'm a very liberal guy. > > But one thing that really gets up my nose is when people start to tell me HOW I 
should give my opinions.> > Jay, I stopped listening to nannies a long time ago. You post in your way and let others post in their way.> > Keith, 
HK> > On Sun Sep 30 2:33 , Jay Rabe sent:> > >to all that Brick said, I'll add:> > > >There's another hidden cost to the community: There are people 
who lurk on the list, just reading and learning and forming impressions, who > see these ridiculous flame wars, these vicious personal attacks and 
lack of giving anyone the benefit of the doubt in such an imperfect > communication medium as email, and say, !
> "this is not for me," and are lost to the community without anyone ever even knowing.> > > >Rules for avoiding conflict on mailing lists:> >from:> 
>http://www.madmanweb.com/archives/0102avoiding_personal_conflict_on_mailing_lists.html> >1. Attack the opinion, not the person.> >2. Avoid sarcasm. 
It doesn't come across well in email, which doesn't transmit tone of voice or facial expression.> >3. When you disagree with someone, say just that. 
Saying, "I disagree" is not the same as "You're wrong". > >4. When possible, show empathy for the receiver. > >5. Don't be cryptic. Say what you 
mean, as simply and straight-forward as possible. Avoid innuendo.> >6. When in doubt over what the other person meant, ask him or her. Don't assume 
anything. Real wars have been fought over assumptions.> >7. Humor is always good to diffuse a tense situation. When you suspect that the other 
person may misinterpret you, use emoticons.> > > >All of this of course assumes that everyone on the list s!
> ees value in the list being free of conflict...> > > > J> >TangoMoment
>s.com> >> > > _______________________________________________> Tango-L mailing list> Tango-L at mit.edu> http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-
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