[Tango-L] FW: Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo revisited

Tue Sep 25 23:15:22 EDT 2007

Nina:
I had to meditate on this as well for a bit.
You are absolutely right on about cabeceo working when you have the
intention of dancing. Which is why we do this in the first place.

Cabeceo can be done from a distance, you can find out who is aware or not,
it is easy to turn down or accept a dance. There is so much communication
that happens in that short span that is the cabeceo (is this is a nice
friendly exchange or are I and the follow undressing each other in plain
sight). A whole lot of reasons for cabeceo. 

However if the follow is engaged in other things it is either because she is
aware of this (IE: Engaged in conversation or ignoring an invitation). Or
she is not aware (IE: some where else or not aware of what is happening
around her). This is true for the Lead as well.

I like the movie Taming of the shrew a whole lot. With Richard and Liz,
possibly one of their best movies. But in taking this theme.

What is scary about asking the Follow to dance, stranger or not. To stand at
the edge of that veil and wonder what is truly on the other side of what she
may bring into the dance with me. It could be a very sharp dagger aimed
deadly at my throat, heart and manhood. Possibly a simple conversation over
coffee or wine. Could even be an invitation to intimate pleasure. Or even a
nice way to say hello, let's have a nice social dance.

With Cabeceo, it is to find out. I know what my eye sees, trust what my
instincts tell me, and choose who is open to me. Is there any science to
this, yes a little. But no one needs to spend too much time figuring this
out.  

It is not my concern if the Follow is grouchy or feeling anything else, that
is her business.

Mine is to ask for the dance. If she accepts, Great!! If she happens to be
grouchy, I will do what I can to lead her to a place where she can breath,
or perhaps be impish. Regardless of any mask she shows, I am the lead. I say
yes to her mask and request that she take a step. I only ask a simple clear
response and presence from her.

She accepts an invitation or she does not. If she gives me a clear response,
this response is not personal, it is just a response. If she is otherwise
engaged or unaware I can try one more time, but if I still get the same
results. I can enjoy the music, talk with a friend, have a drink, watch the
other dancers, I can also ask another follow.

All of this in Cabeceo.

I could not help but include something from the bard. Which could be looked
at as a verbal Cabeceo.
(Note to the guys: It helps to scan quickly, in finding something of
interest).

PETRUCHIO 
Come, come, you wasp; i' faith, you are too angry.
KATHARINA 
If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
PETRUCHIO 
My remedy is then, to pluck it out.
KATHARINA 
Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies,
PETRUCHIO 
Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail.
KATHARINA 
In his tongue.
PETRUCHIO 
Whose tongue?
KATHARINA 
Yours, if you talk of tails: and so farewell.
PETRUCHIO 
What, with my tongue in your tail? nay, come again,
Good Kate; I am a gentleman.

-----Original Message-----
From: tango-l-bounces at mit.edu [mailto:tango-l-bounces at mit.edu] On Behalf Of
Nina Pesochinsky
Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2007 2:50 PM
To: Tango L list
Subject: Re: [Tango-L] FW: Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo
revisited

Hi, David,

My first response to what works with me was "Nothing!!!".  Then I 
thought about it.  The cabeceo works when I have an intention of 
dancing.   This really is the best way - mysterious and 
engaging.  However, if I am doing other things, then I am not looking.

In the past, just dragging me to the dance floor without words has 
been successful for some and rather impressive to me (made me think 
of the "Taming of the Shrew" with Liz Taylor and Richard Burton), but 
strangers would be risking their lives.  This is only for the brave 
and fearless men who think that they know me.

Then there is the ration between the DJ factor and the grouchiness 
factor.  If the DJ is playing good music, anything might work really 
well with me - words or no words.  If the DJ is playing something 
strange, my grouchiness factor goes up and that's when nothing works 
because I get to annoyed to dance.

If the person is sitting with me, then something impish could be good 
and the cabeceo becomes very wonderful.

You see, invitation is important as well as a proper response to 
it.  And there are so many possibilities!

Warm regards,

Nina

At 11:25 PM 9/20/2007, David Hodgson wrote:

>I have to ask, would any of those lines in and of themselves work with you?
>I am including Cabeceo also.
>Depends on the guy conveying the line is my thought.
>
>David
>
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: tango-l-bounces at mit.edu [mailto:tango-l-bounces at mit.edu] On Behalf Of
>Nina Pesochinsky
>Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 12:15 PM
>To: Nussbaum, Martin
>Cc: tango-l at mit.edu
>Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo revisited
>
>Hi, Martin,
>
>Cabeceo is really the only way.  It can be delicious and irresistable.
>   the sales pitch must fit the context.  The context here is tango -
>intense and intuitive.  In addition to that, tango dancers usually
>happen to be hypersensitive people.  No verbal sales pitch can be as
>intuitive as a cabeceo.\
>
>I believe that a verbal invitation is inappropriate to tango, unless
>the person who is asking or who is being asked has a vision
>inpairment.  In that case - "may I dance this tanda with you?"  is an
>almost full-proof invitation that will result in a yes (please note
>that I suggested "may I dance with you?", instead of "woul you like to
>dance?")
>
>Again, if there is a vision impairement, there are other creative
>things to say to a woman:
>- My life will be ruine if you do not dance this tanda with me.
>- I may never dance tango again if we do not dance this tanda.
>- I had a dream of dancing this exact tanda and the person was you!
>- If we dance this now, it could be amazing and unforgettable.
>
>Etc., etc.
>
>Cabeeo is the only way, but if a person cannot see well, the words
>must be sensitive and poetic when addressing women.  It is an ancient
>wisdom that men love with their eyes and women with their ears.
>
>Warm regards,
>
>Nina
>
>Quoting "Nussbaum, Martin" <mnussbau at law.nyc.gov>:
>
> >  Nina wrote:
> > "If someone had offered me to "do a few milongas", I am not sure I would
> > have answered it any differently than this woman. :)Language holds
> > power.  Never underestimate the power of seduction (salesmanship,
> > persuasion).  This is an example of a failed sales attempt.  The man had
> > 2 seconds for a sales pitch and he failed to sell himself and the
> > experience he was offering to the woman, and she did not want to be a
> > woman with him."
> >
> > Okay, Nina, let's digress into a new topic momentarily.  My preferred
> > invite method is always the cabaceo, a custom I love,  despite the fact
> > that many followers in my neck of the woods (NYC ) are unfamiliar with
> > it, so instead of meeting the eyes of leaders would rather stare at the
> > floor glumly wondering why they arent dancing.  Add in the fact that
> > milonga hosts in the US strangely insist on keeping the lighting so dark
> > that you cant see a cabaceo from 10 feet away, let alone across the
> > room,  as you could in the brightly-lit  BA milongas.  (I always
> > wondered why they don't want us to see how everyone in the room is
> > dancing).     So, leaders often fall back on a poor alternative to the
> > cabaceo, the direct verbal invite.  Please educate me, Nina, what are
> > some examples of quality 2 second sales pitches you, or others on this
> > forum, have heard and accepted?  I have experimented with the gallant,
> > "May I have the honor of this tanda?" To the mundane, "would you like to
> > dance?", to the direct, "let's dance this one", to the humorous "good
> > god, woman,  its Disarli, how can you possibly sit this one out?"    I
> > would like to expand this repertoire, so if you have cant-miss ideas,
> > please share.
> > -Martin Nussbaum
> >
>
>
>
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