[Tango-L] Asking people to dance

[Deby Novitz]

In Buenos Aires when a woman does not want to dance, or dance with a 
certain man who rudely will stand near her and stare, or is coming her 
way to stare, the woman will start to chat with her friends.  Another 
one of our boring codigos for many of you, but it is considered rude to 
ask anyone to dance who is in conversation. (re; Daniel Trenner)  This 
is why when I am with people visiting for the first time, I do not look 
at them when we are talking, so that I can be asked to dance.  I let 
them know that if they are talking, a man will not invite them to 
dance.  If for whatever reason I do not want to dance, then I talk, 
talk, talk, so no one will invite me.

As for attitude.  When I lived in California, I always danced with 
whoever asked me.  I always had a big smile on my face.  Being a slave 
to fashion, I always dressed nice.  I knew how difficult it was for guys 
just learning, to ask someone to dance.  I would watch women who really 
did not dance all that well, put on the attitude.  Then they wondered 
why no one ever asked them to dance. They would sit there and complain 
about the lack of dancers and how none of the men danced that well. They 
were all waiting for those 1 or 2 dancers who met their specifications 
to ask them.  I preferred to enjoy my time. 

 I  asked guys to dance.  The majority would admit they were too shy to 
ask.  I never noticed it impeding them from asking again, quite the 
contrary.  It is all a matter of  how it is done.  I remember once a 
woman running on to the dance floor to snag my partner before the tanda 
even ended.  That is a big No-No....Others would come up to interrupt a 
conversation, others would just come and grab the guy and say let's go 
dance.  Do they have to wonder why those guys never asked them to dance 
again?

Flash forward here to Buenos Aires.  One post said that we woman can 
invite here in Buenos Aires as well.  Nooooo.  Maybe to a foreigner it 
seems that way.  In the milonga, the man is King.  We women make jokes 
about it all the time.  A fat, unattractive guy who you would never give 
the time of day to in the street, in the milonga suddenly becomes a King 
because he can dance.  He knows that.  Oh yes he does.  With many more 
women than men, he can dance with who he wants.  Just because he danced 
with you before, doesn't mean he will dance with you tonight, no matter 
how much he enjoyed that dance he had with you before.  You need to earn 
that dance again.