[Tango-L] Women's role

[Nina Pesochinsky]

Razorgirl, thank you for bringing up this topic.  You are right.  I 
am back at my computer, so everyone beware!  Here I go again!  Read 
this at your leisure, if you wish, because it might be a long 
message.  I don't know what it is going to be yet.

Razorgirl, I want to take your point a bit further.

In the non-tango world, the issues of power between men and women are 
perceived in a somewhat simplistic way because, however it looks, it 
works for most people and they do not want to look any further.

Tango is more intuitive, more sensitive and more demanding in that 
realm, whether you want it or not.

At the very first encounter, which may last a few months, a person's 
simple power emerges as an issue and stands in front of the person 
for consideration.  Am I good enough?  Will he/she dance with 
me?  Can I do this?  Can I invite?  Will he/she like me?  I am afraid.

Tango is a mirror of all of the insecurities a person may 
have.  When  a person, any person, begins to dance tango, Tango puts 
a mirror in front of them and says "Look!  These are your 
insecurities.  What do you want to do about them?  If you do nothing, 
you will be hurt and disappointed and you will not dance."

So people do.  Everyone.  Often unconsciously because they want the 
transformation that tango offers them.  This is my point that 
transcends cultures.  Argentine people go through this process as 
well.  It is a process of Tango.

A much deeper level of transformation actually allows the true 
masculine and feminine power to emerge.  Once a person begins to 
overcome their insecurities, it begins to show not only in tango, but 
in the rest of their life.  In a way, struggling and loving tango 
helps people to become who they truly are and who they were meant to 
be.  I don't want to talk about this right now.  It is a fascinating 
and exciting topic for me and it brings many concepts that I use when 
I share tango with others by teaching.  But this is about the power 
and so I want to stay with this focus.

The masculine and feminine power in tango do not compete with each 
other.  They do not take away from each other.  Instead, the feminine 
can only be powerful if the masculine is powerful and the masculine 
cannot be powerful if the feminine is not powerful.

In the ancient world, the feminine was presented as the true power of 
the Universe.  For those who have not had much learning about this, 
The DaVinci Code is a great presentation of that, both the book and the movie.

But both men and women have both the masculine and the 
feminine.  That means that the power of the Universe is in both, not 
just in the women.

I am speaking a somewhat Jungian language here because it is more 
congruent with the Western thought.

So in tango, the woman is not powerful if the man is not, and the 
man's power is trapped, if the woman he dances with is weak in her 
power.  That is why the follower's technique classes are very 
useful.  Women learn to connect with their bodies in the movement of 
tango and bring forward their powerful feminine essence.

When men feel, and I mean FEEL (because I know that you, gentlemen, 
like to talk about thinking, but live, navigate and negotiate by 
feeling that you do not talk about because it is a natural way of 
being for you) that the woman is not competing with them for THEIR 
power, they emerge powerful and free.

So, this was my point about the embrace.  When a man feels his power 
and embraces a woman in tango (or in life) from that power, it is 
pure, non-negotiable and fearless.  It can never be sleazy or 
insecure because sleazy means a block of a man's power and fear.

For that, ladies, you have a huge power.  If you accept an invitation 
to dance from your feminine power, gorgeous and secure, which every 
one of you has (it might be hidden, but it is there), the man, any 
man, even a rank beginner, has no choice but to show up in his best 
masculine power.  And men will be very grateful to you.  Not 
mentally, and often not consciously, but in feeling.

This is what Argentines practice subconsciously in life and in 
tango.  Consciously it is men, women and the 
relationships.  Subconsciously, it is the integrity of the feminine 
of masculine energy and power.

In the US, the feminist movement was much needed.  It was about 
resources and change of the social structure, and many things of this 
delicate balance between the masculine and feminine had to be 
sacrificed.  There was no other choice, even if there was another awareness.

But the feminine and masculine power is so incredibly strong that it 
will emerge.  If any of you are interested, read Carl Jung's works on 
anima and animus.  He observed that men and women tend to live in 
masculine or feminine energy for the first half or a third of their 
lives.  And women could live in the masculine and men in the 
feminine.  But then, around the age of 35 and later, a transformation 
begins to occur which is inevitable for everyone.  Anima and Animus 
want to be together, so the imbalances begin to be renegotiated and a 
person usually embarks on a life-changing journey.  That is why many 
men and women change careers, leave multi-decade long marriages or 
suddenly get married, suddenly decide to have children after clearly 
never wanting to in their younger years, etc.

Tango is an amazing place when transformations occur.  For Argentine 
people who had danced for decades, tango accompanied their life and 
transformations.  Outside of Argentina, people come to tango 
differently, and so tango may be that much more powerful for them.

But the feminine and the masculine MUST be together in the dance.

On another note, men being the predators and women the prey is 
simplistic.  Women want to be pursued and ultimately caught, but the 
manner in which this happens makes or breaks the deal.  Women want to 
be hunted, if you wish, but "just so".  So if the hunter is to be 
successful, he will develop his skills in a way that his conquest 
will be successful.  Pure force does not work.  That is what 
seduction is all about - everywhere - in tango and in life.

And the tango embrace is between the masculine and the 
feminine.  When the woman is in her feminine and the man is embracing 
her from his feminine energy, it usually does not feel good for the 
woman.  When a woman embraces the man from her masculine power, it 
usually does not feel good for the man.  If people do not take care 
of the embrace, they are missing an opportunity to seduce his/her 
partner into a tango that they may remember for the rest of their lives.

Warmest regards to everyone,

Nina





At 11:58 AM 7/25/2007, Razor Girl wrote:
>Hi everyone,
>
>I haven't written to this list in a long time and also I apologize 
>if I am taking this out of context or anything but I had to pipe in 
>when I saw this statement from (I believe it was) Dani:
>
>"The man is the predator, the woman is the prey, as has been since 
>time immemorial "
>
>First of all, I am not going to argue that the above statement might 
>be the opinion of some.  But I think it's a really narrow minded way 
>of looking at the complexity of the relationship between men and 
>women.  And it inspires me to address what I often find to be a 
>misconceived view of the relationship between the leader and follower in tango.
>
>Sometimes I have found that men get on these power trips about 
>leading and neglect to acknowledge the true fact that the follower 
>has an equal amount of influence on the dance and that it is truly a 
>partnership.  Even the most machismo men can not deny the powerful 
>role of the follower.
>
>Here are a couple of things to consider about the role of the 
>follower and her power to influence the dance:
>
>1. It is the woman's choice who she dances with.  She allows herself 
>to be approached or not, she selects whether or not to catch a man's 
>gaze.  I would go so far as to say that most of the time it is 
>really the woman doing the asking with her posture and eye contact 
>and not really the other way around.
>
>2. The follower is in control of the dance.  Without someone who has 
>agreed to follow you, there can be no lead.  There is nothing 
>"prey"-like about this and it is a completely conscious and active 
>choice on the part of the follower.  Without her trust and response 
>your lead means nothing.  Also, the way in which she interprets the 
>lead is her choice, so as a leader you have to be aware of and open 
>to the possibilities she presents.
>
>3. The follower has an extremely influential role in the expression 
>of musicality.  Her timing, responsiveness, and the manner in which 
>she executes the movements which are lead are all completely her 
>responsibility.  Also, the spaces in between what you lead are hers 
>to play with.
>
>The best dances happen when both the leader and follower are 
>striving to make the dance delicious for the other person while 
>confidently expressing their personal uniqueness in a warm and 
>trusting embrace.
>
>Be kind to one another. Don't confuse femininity and masculinity 
>with weak and strong or predator and prey.
>
>-Razorgirl
>
>_______________________________________________
>Tango-L mailing list
>Tango-L at mit.edu
>http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l