[Tango-L] Mirror of the Soul

[Carol Shepherd]

With all due respect, the point is not how valid one thinks a poetic 
comparison is or how much the process of making a poetic comparison 
moves one -- even if it moves one to dance better tango by thinking that 
way about a woman.

The point is not about the maker of the statement in relation to the 
statement and how he feels about the statement.  Or, as we say in 
America, "it's not all about you."

The point is the offense taken by the SUBJECT of the statement -- in 
other words, "subjecting" a person to the emotional experience of 
hearing something that to them is offensive and disrespects them.  In 
this regard, it doesn't matter if a person's tango dancing is beautiful 
or they get great results.  Someone has heard something upsetting and 
they are offended.

The standard of social offense is not whether the speaker himself would 
be offended by his own statement, or even whether the hearer is 
justified, as an abstract question, in taking offense in such a 
situation.  The standard of social offense is whether upon hearing, 
other people do indeed take offense.  Many women DO take offense 
regardless of what a speaker may feel personally about the 
appropriateness of making these statements.


Maybe these comparisons will make this point clearer:

"I played her like a violin"

"The follower is a mirror"

"I use my Jewish accountant as a walking calculator"

"My black players are the team's jungle animals"

In many people's minds these are similarly offensive.  (And even then, 
they will be offensive in differing amounts to different people.  But 
the point is they generally offend.)

I agree with Igor that poetic phrases comparing women with beautiful 
objects are meant as compliments and that men use these to express 
admiration and enjoy how much that comparison stirs them lyrically and 
inspires them to do their best.  I have no objection to poetry or 
inspiration, and I like it when a man compliments me.

The difference is the context in which statements are made.

The phrase "it takes two to tango" should explain the offensive context 
very well.

As many have said, "tango is a dialogue" or "tango is an interchange of 
actions."  Saying that one takes very good care of one's paintbrushes 
and musical instruments is not the same as saying one just had an 
amazing dance with a certain tango partner.  I want to mirror my own soul.

Nobody should confuse being criticized for saying these type of things, 
with being accused of poor dancing.  One's talking says nothing about 
one's dancing ability.  However, talking this way may lead others to 
avoid dancing with the speaker because of social offense.  Even if I 
were not personally offended by something, I would avoid someone who did 
  not care that they are showing disrespect and people's feelings are 
being hurt.

Tangoforher's "brushing the floor" is an evocative and useful metaphor 
for having a friction relationship with the floor.  I like it!  The 
problem is not the brush -- the problem is WHO is the brush.

The discussion went in this other direction because so many of us are 
offended by the idea of women as inanimate objects being manipulated in 
the dance, rather than human beings contributing to the dance.  There is 
a population of tango dancers who persist in thinking and talking about 
women this way, to the discomfort and dismay of others.

That being said, it's a free country.  Happy holidays all and hope you 
get some holiday dances!

CS

Here's an interesting thing to ponder.  I have never heard a man who is 
leading another man in dance, refer to that other man as a physical 
object of any sort.  When I observe men dancing with men, there is an 
entirely different type of social connection going on.  Both dancers are 
typically extremely aware of the dance connection and it's much less 
dominated by the leader than the dance is in a traditional male-female 
couple.  This is true in my observation, in all dance styles I do 
socially.  It's certainly another topic (and a fascinating one).

Igor Polk wrote:
> %) 
> Wow, Keith!
> How about comparison a woman to a swan? ( I hope is is feminine in english )
> Or to a spring breeze?
> Or to a rose petal?
> Or to sugar?
> 
> A musical instrument is not an object.
> It is the mirror of the musician's soul.
> 
> Igor Polk
> more about it:
> www.jcctango.org
> www.virtuar.com/tango/
> 

-- 
Carol Ruth Shepherd
Arborlaw PLC
Ann Arbor MI USA
734 668 4646 v  734 786 1241 f
Arborlaw - a legal blog for entrepreneurs and small business
http://arborlaw.com