[Tango-L] Can somebody shed some light on the subject

[tangosmith@cox.net]

It’s an interesting question of whether the chances are better for women to
get asked to dance if they sit alone, together, or in a mixed group, which
is often as not dependent on the fragility of the egos of the males in
attendance.  As already noted, in North America women who sit together
frequently form a group and start talking with each other.  My experience
from the milongas in BsAs is that women, even when they are sitting
closely, often have very limited conversation with other women.  It’s
simply a cultural difference.  If we tried to usher men and women to
opposite sides in N.A., as one person suggested, I think we would also have
to instruct the women to refrain from socializing too much with the other
women!  Somehow, I just don’t think imposing this much Argentine cultural
would work very well.  

Regarding the cabeceo, it certainly isn’t exclusive to the culture of
Argentine milongas.  The nonverbal exchange of “glances across the room”
can be found in some form at virtually all social gatherings to catch
someone’s attention, to show discrete interest.  It just isn’t quite as
institutionalized as it is in the milongas of BsAs.    

Much of the interest in doing the cabeceo at N.A. milongas seems related to
our struggle over how “authentic” our tango must be.  Some apparently
believe that it is not enough to try to be “authentic” in the movements of
the dance, but that we must also attempt to somehow recreate the cultural
environment.  We can push this not just to the point of being impractical,
but also to point where it becomes absurb.  If we expect the nonverbal
cabeceo to become the standard method of asking someone to dance at a North
American milonga, perhaps we could also begin promoting having our verbal
conversations in Lunfardo, just to be authentic! 

To me, the true authentic tango lies in that intimate connection that
occurs between two people on the piso, and that moment can transcend
cultural differences.  Certainly it can occur without speaking the same
language as our partner, with the lights high or low, anywhere in the
world.  I have asked partners to dance and have been asked, I have nodded
and been nodded at.  Neither approach has seemed to have absolutely any
impact on predicting the possibility of that magical moment.  How any two
partners meet, how they manage to end up in that intimate embrace, the
depth of her neckline and the height of her heels, all become irrelevant
once the music starts.  

When we come to dance the tango, we are preparing to engage in a very
intimate and passionate activity.  That is what makes tango special.  The
point of all of the codes and the formality of the environment is to
establish a “safe” zone where we can feel confident to surrender ourselves
to our partner and the music.  If we try to force a cultural environment
that doesn’t fit the social dynamics of the group, we risk destroying that
very essential feeling of comfort necessary for finding, in my opinion, the
authentic tango.      

W.B.Smith

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