[Tango-L] Some people would complain ...

[Trini y Sean (PATangoS)]

> Of course, we also have a little problem of women
> only wanting to dance with the best leaders -
whether or not they are at their level.
> 
> Any solutions?

Trini, here.  I have been pondering that the last few
months.  One solution is to learn how to change other
people's expectations.  The good tangueros here who
are "immune" from aggressive women fall into two
types: 1) they dance mostly with their significant
other, or 2) they are much younger (in their twenties
and single) so it is understandable when they dance
mostly with younger women.  Bottom line is that women
have learned not to expect to dance with them.

But how to apply this to those men who like to
circulate?  Since I have a very personal teaching
style I have had to develop techniques to "wean"
students away (much like a mother bird encouraging a
baby bird out of the nest).  Otherwise, the demands on
my time could get to be enormous.

My main technique is the "gotta' help the beginners". 
I use this mostly at practicas, but it works at
milongas, too.  When someone who needs to be "weaned"
approaches me, I'll say hello and do a minute of
chitchat.  Before he can ask me to dance, though, I'll
say "well, I should dance with so-and-so, now" with
so-and-so being a beginner.  It is a gentle reminder
of how much I help I gave them as a beginner, so they
respect my choice.  But it also gets them used to my
not dancing with them, basically reshaping their
expectations.

The music is another way of reshaping expectations. 
It can be easy for me (unfortunately) to say "this
music isn't doing anything for me so I cannot dance
with you right now".  I do not always offer to dance
with them later.  Again, it shapes their expectations
without saying anything negative about them.  It gets
them used to my being picky.

Eventually, I do dance with them, though it may be a
milonga or two down the road.  It may be a little
disheartening for them at first, but they adjust with
time.

And time is the key, here.  A woman who gets upset
over being turned down once by a guy, may just get
over it by the next milonga.  So a guy need not be
overly worried about one or two milongas.  And if she
doesn't, that is really her problem to deal with, not
his.

A few thoughts.

Trini de Pittsburgh




PATangoS - Pittsburgh Argentine Tango Society 
Our Mission: To make Argentine Tango Pittsburgh's most popular social dance. 
http://www.pitt.edu/~mcph/PATangoWeb.htm


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