[Tango-L] Cabeceo, again

[WHITE 95 R]

I know it's late, but I just got back from the milonga and I keep reading 
all these posts about the cabeceo, etc. I guess I'm just a practical person 
but when I want to dance with somebody I'll either ask them verbally or if I 
catch their eye from across the room I'll use the old cabeceo.  I think 
getting dances in local milongas is not really the problem. The famous 
cabeceo is not necessary in local or regional milongas where the dancers 
know each other even if it's just superficially. It's easy enough to just 
ask somebody to dance and most likely they'll accept. We tell people in our 
classes about the cabeceo and other customs of the Argentine tango. It's all 
part and parcel of the tango culture, but it's not something we emphasize 
too much. I think this falls in the category of teaching social skills. I 
think that just teaching tango to a diverse group of people already requires 
a good amount of intruction on social interaction. Teaching them every sort 
of social skill is beyond the scope of the dance class.

Anyways, seems like the original poster said something about not being able 
to get many dances using the cabeceo. Since he was very shy and did not 
handle rejection easily, he wanted all the teachers to teach "cabeceo" to 
their students to facilitate his social challenge. I think things got a bit 
out of hand as usual and the whole thing now sounds more and more like an 
socio-anthropological discussion. I think we all missed the boat. His 
suggestion would not help him no matter how well the people were taught or 
used the cabeceo. The reason he was not successful getting dances might be 
precisely because the cabeceo was working exactly as designed.....

When one cannot make eye contact with people one wishes to dance with, it 
can be because they are using the ploy of the cabeceo to avoid the unspoken 
request and thusly spare the other person the rejection or having to accept 
(out of courtesy) an invitation they rather not. It's been discussed before 
about how difficult it can be to get known and accepted in a strange place. 
Some people are much better than others at that sort of thing. Tango can be 
just like any other social activity or venue. It's just as hard to break 
into the in-crowd in salsa clubs, CW, swing, etc. Just because people are at 
a milonga, it does not mean that they are willing to dance with just 
anybody. If one has a hard time catching their eye to make the cabeceo it is 
probably because they are actively avoiding one's eye contact. Short of 
being a young, good looking, charismatic person (not necessarily in that 
order), there is not guarantee of quick social acceptance and the succes 
that brings to the old cabeceo ploy.

Actually, I think that if everybody used the cabeceo exclusively as the way 
to ask for and accept invitations to dance, some people would find it 
extremely difficult to get dances even in their home turf ;-). My advise for 
what it's worth is to forget the cabeceo as the *only* way to connect with a 
potential dance partner. Go ahead and ask them and let them tell you yes or 
no and offer whatever lame or great excuse/reason for their denial. You'll 
get lots more dances that way and get to know more people. After you are 
known, you might have a much easier time of it. The key is not the cabeceo, 
but rather being blessed with attrativeness and/or great dance skills or 
being already a popular person in a group.

Sincerely,

Manuel

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