[Tango-L] Cabeceo, again

[Trini y Sean (PATangoS)]

Sean here.

It is not rocket science, it is social science; and that is
a far more complex and difficult field of study. I wonder
if the social scientists who have recently enlightened us
about universal primate behaviors gained their expertise
without the aid of teachers. I am going to go out on the
proverbial limb, and guess that they formed their
conclusions without the aid of teachers, research, or even
meaningful personal experience. Their ability to disregard
contrary evidence stinks a bit like the notion of manifest
destiny. 

To answer BK's request that teachers explain the cabeceo, I
say that it won't really matter. Most tango dancers with
more than the most rudimentary experience have heard an
explanation of the cabeceo. They simply choose not to use
it. Several good reasons have already been provided, but
the most compelling one that I have heard is that it is
primarily advantageous to the most desirable dance
partners. 

Some members of the list will undoubtedly argue endlessly
over the reasons why North Americans don't generally use
the cabeceo. Some will even argue endlessly that everyone
does use it, even gorillas and Europeans. To those few who
have the common sense to accept the evidence of direct
personal experience over the ranting of unteachered
experts, I propose that it is far easier to change your own
habits, than to change the behavior of an entire culture.
Accept that the cabeceo is not likely to catch on here in
the near future.

Here are some practical strategies to try if you are not
getting opportunities to dance because you are shy.
1. Razor Girl has the best advice so far. Smile, relax, and
make yourself approachable. (I didn't say it would be easy,
just easier than impossible.)
2. Don't spend the night sitting in one spot. Get up and
walk across the floor during the cortinas. It is much
easier to smile and nod a greeting at someone as you pass
by. If you don't find a partner, choose a different spot to
sit during the next tanda.
3. I understand how difficult it is for a shy person to
strike up a conversation. Rehearse a few innocuous
questions, rather than try some fancy opening gambit. For
example, after you cross the floor during the cortina,
smile, offer eye contact and ask "May I rest here for a
bit?" to a lady sitting across the room. If she says yes,
be sure to thank her. Maybe that is all you can manage this
time. But try to introduce yourself, and ask her name. If
she responds, address her by name, tell her where you are
from, and ask where she is from. Always try to acknowledge
her response, however brief, add a new very short piece of
information about yourself, and finish with a related
question to her. If you are shy, practice this formula with
friends and family. You will find that questions are your
best friend. (Assuming you actually pay attention to the
answer.)
4. Expect the conversation to die. When it dies, just
relax, listen to the music and watch the dancing until a
song ends. Then get up to leave, smile, and ask "Would you
like to dance?" or "Would you like to finish this tanda?"
or whatever. It gives her the chance to check you out,
without committing to a full tanda of possible misery. And
if she says "no", so what? You were moving on anyway.
5. Don't stick around if she declines to dance. That is a
despicable practice called babysitting. 
http://www.close-embrace.com/invitingetiquette.html 
Move on. (See no. 2 above.)

Sean

--- Tango Mail <tango at springssauna.com> wrote:

I try to avoid the dreaded "walk" at any costs (When you
walk to a woman to ask them to dance and they decline,  and
you have to walk back; usually you'll see most men plop
down beside that woman to talk to them as making it appear
talking was the reason they went over in the first place,
to save face). 

PATangoS - Pittsburgh Argentine Tango Society 
Our Mission: To make Argentine Tango Pittsburgh's most popular social dance. 
http://www.pitt.edu/~mcph/PATangoWeb.htm


__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around 
http://mail.yahoo.com