[Tango-L] Men and classes

[Marisa Holmes]

--- Alexis Cousein <al at sgi.com> wrote:

> Enough with the war of the sexes already - exchange
> "man" for "woman"
> and the statement makes just about as much sense -
> i.e. none.

Yes, absolutely.  Caroline is angry at her partner and
finds him unreceptive to advice.  Everyone has felt
this way about their partner at some time or other. 
Most tango classes are full of people who are, right
at that instant, blaming their partner for whatever
difficulty they are experiencing. Fine - that's human
nature - and inexperience.  After a while, you learn
that you may be contributing to the problem.  And if
you take privates or work in practicas with more
experienced dancers you learn to ask yourself every
time something goes wrong if any of your own personal
bad habits are playing up.  I myself find that many
problems I have while following, even if it seems like
a problem with the lead, are ameliorated by toning up
my abdominal muscles at the moment of difficulty.

But saying that men won't take advice, or women don't
want to hear that anything is wrong?  No way.  I both
lead and follow, and take (or have taken) classes in
both.  In my experience there are individuals of both
sexes who resist advice - or resist advice from anyone
except the instructor or someone else they feel is a
great deal more experienced than themselves.  Some of
these folks are arrogant, sure.  Some of them are
confused and upset, and if they knew enough to
understand the advice and were calm enough to consider
it, they would take it.  And some of them are right,
some of the time, because some of the advice is just
plain wrong.

There are also people of both sexes who are glad to
hear advice or observations.  If you will take _my_
unsolicited advice, you will not offer it to them
while you are dancing socially, no matter what.  Take
it to the class, the practica, or at least off the
floor.

I think I have experienced a difference between men
and women in how likely they are to argue if they want
to give me advice and I reject it, but it could be a
sample size error, so I won't advance that theory.

Marisa

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