Hi Sergio,

You’ve been posting to TANGO-L for as long as I’ve been reading, which is quite a few years. But every post you make is still like a breath of fresh air – they clear away the fog of confusion that so many other posts seem to create. 

Your latest post on ‘Surrender’ is one or your best ever. There’s so much in there to think about that a copy is now pinned to my wall. 

The subject is particularly relevant to me as I have a very strong-willed partner who is a fabulous dancer – give her an audience and she dazzles. But, except on rare occasions, she doesn’t allow herself to ‘surrender’ during our social dancing. 

I must admit that a concept I hadn’t previously considered is that of the man also allowing himself to surrender. Perhaps I’m dancing too consciously, trying too hard to please her – to give her what I think she wants. As I say, a lot to think about.

Sergio, thanks again for your postings – I hope you realise how much they’re appreciated.

Keith



Original Message:
>Date: Mon, 05 Jun 2006 20:06:00 +0000
>From: "Sergio Vandekier" sergiovandekier990@hotmail.com>
>Subject: [Tango-L] Surrender
>
>What follows is what I think tango is about, other people may have equally acceptable different ideas.
>
>Once we accept the fact that there is a masculine attitude in leading and a feminine one in following we can discuss other subjects that are equally important such as the concept   of "Surrender" in tango dancing.
>
>Remember men and women in tango are equal but they are different.
>
>This "surrender" is required from both partners in traditional tango dancing.
>
>There could be confusion between "Submission" and "Surrender".
>
>We own and retain our respective power in surrender in contrast to giving up our power in submission.
>
>Yielding and letting go of control in surrender is a high level capacity in psychological development.
>
>Trauma in early life may disrupt self development and create profound forms of defensive control.
>
>Such a woman or person, develop what is known as "demon lover complex": has a tendency to transfer the hatred to her present lover who reacts by making her submissive and both developing a sado-masochistic relationship instead of one of surrender.
>
>Possession is followed by abuse and abandonment by the male onto whom the woman has submitted all her own power.
>
>In A.Tango the woman won't be able to surrender to her partner, the dance and the music unless she can surrender to herself first.
>
>To facilitate this the leader (usually a man) must clearly direct her, support and protect her in the frame of his embrace.
>
>If instead the man only controls the woman, she has two possible actions that are not desirable: she submits or she rebels; she will never surrender.
>
>As to the man executing steps that he has not automatically incorporated 
>into his unconscious brings an agenda on his part which interferes with his ability to surrender to the connection.
>
>Free floating attention allows the woman to be a receptive organ.  She needs to relinquish anticipation of the leaders moves.
>
>The leader should be "in the moment" allowing free associations to flow from the internal and unconscious life. Not inhibiting himself with controlled thinking.
>
>Summary:
>
>It is not possible to allow the dance to proceed without relinquishing conscious control and surrendering to the inner life of that creative moment.
>
>To be too conscious of the steps or the technique is to impede the process.
>
>The conscious use of steps and technique should be reserved for the lessons and the practice.
>
>Best wishes, Sergio