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<p class=MsoNormal><b><font size=5 face="Times New Roman"><span
style='font-size:18.0pt;font-weight:bold'>So, Three Guerrillas Walk Into a Bar
. . .</span></font></b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=MsoPlainText><font size=2 face="Courier New"><span style='font-size:
10.0pt'><a
href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/08/14/AR2006081401195.html">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/08/14/AR2006081401195.html</a>
<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=2 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:10.0pt'>By Nora
Boustany<br>
<st1:place w:st="on"><st1:State w:st="on">Washington</st1:State></st1:place>
Post Foreign Service<br>
Tuesday, August 15, 2006; C01</span></font><o:p></o:p></p>
<p><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on"><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span
style='font-size:12.0pt'>BEIRUT</span></font></st1:place></st1:City> -- With
a bit of fortitude and loads of wit, there are laughs to be had, even in
wartime.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Barely a
week into a war that sent the hopes of many Lebanese tumbling down with their
bridges, buildings and roads, stunned civilians trapped in the crossfire
started trading self-deprecating gags about their situation.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>As sad as
the tales of death and the exodus of 1 million people displaced from their
homes into empty schools and government buildings have been, the Lebanese have
found ways to make light of their own plight.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>As one
joke has it, residents fleeing the Shiite suburbs of <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place
w:st="on">Beirut</st1:place></st1:City> were flashing the victory sign -- to
indicate that only two buildings were still left standing.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>It was
followed by excited speculation that real estate values in the poor
neighborhood of Ain al-Rummaneh, a crowded cluster of aging buildings overlooking
the southern suburbs, had shot up by 50 percent. Why? It now has a sea view.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>People
are petrified of honoring their dental appointments out of fear they may have
bridgework done, goes another favorite. So contagious have these stories been
that in one refugee center, Marwa Saad, 15, whose family was driven out by
fierce fighting near the southern market town of Nabatiyeh, did not dare utter
a word without covering her mouthful of braces.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>"Everyone
keeps teasing me; they bully me to keep my mouth shut so we don't get hit by
Israeli jets," she said about her friends, giggling with her hand to her
mouth.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Another
story has Haifa Wehbe, the curvaceous bombshell of Lebanese music videos,
dispatched by the Hezbollah leadership to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place
w:st="on">Israel</st1:place></st1:country-region> to conduct negotiations. She
returns pregnant. When confronted about her condition, the anecdote goes, Wehbe
insisted she was only trying to help: "I thought I would get you another
small hostage."<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Some
jokes target the Syrians for causing the crisis by allowing arms to flow to
Hezbollah and pressuring the Lebanese government to let the group keep its
arms. One joke says the Israelis cannot aim at the Syrian inhabitants of <st1:City
w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Homs</st1:place></st1:City>. Why? Because the
Israelis only have smart bombs.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Hezbollah
leader Hassan Nasrallah is also the butt of some humor. The elderly women of
the Christian neighborhood of Ashrafiyeh regard Nasrallah as their new idol and
sex symbol, goes one line, because he has taken them back 40 years.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Another
joke extols Nasrallah, saying he is now worthy of a statue since he managed to
put the entire Shiite Muslim community, with its high rate of illiteracy, in
schools.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>The most
popular joke about this round of war in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place
w:st="on">Lebanon</st1:place></st1:country-region> is crafted around a
fictitious Archie Bunker-like figure who is a fumbling caricature of all the
failings of the Lebanese. During 30 years of war, jokes about the character,
Abul Abed, have carried many a social event into the early morning hours with
thigh-slapping, fall-off-the-chair laughter.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>The
latest installment recounts how Abul Abed calls Israeli Prime Minister Ehud
Olmert and boasts that he has four neighborhood thugs who will really make life
difficult for Israeli soldiers if they dare venture north of the border. Olmert
laughs and says that just one Israeli brigade could overrun his whole
neighborhood in hours. "I'll get back to you," barks Abul Abed.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>When he
calls Tel Aviv again, Abul Abed threatens to collect every bar bouncer, alley
hoodlum and thug from <st1:City w:st="on">Tyre</st1:City> to <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place
w:st="on">Tripoli</st1:place></st1:City> to fend off the Israeli assault.
Olmert simply tells him that he will send the air force, naval fleet and ground
forces to invade. "I'll call you after I have conferred with my
generals," Abul Abed says confidently.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>He calls
back boasting to Olmert that he has now collected thousands of followers of the
Abul Abed Movement who are ready with shoulder-mounted rockets like the
Mujahedeen of Afghanistan. Olmert whistles facetiously: "You will be no
match for the 2 million Israeli soldiers massed along the border, ready to
attack."<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3 face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>"Two
million?" asks Abul Abed. "In that case I am going to have to
surrender. We simply do not have enough room to keep 2 million hostages."<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
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<p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'><font size=3
face="Times New Roman"><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>© 2006 The
Washington Post Company<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
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10.0pt'><br>
<a
href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/08/14/AR2006081401195.html">http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/08/14/AR2006081401195.html</a>
<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
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