From haldeman at earthlink.net Wed Dec 2 23:12:07 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Wed, 2 Dec 2009 23:12:07 -0500 Subject: 12/2 Wednesday update Message-ID: <4E55E610-923F-4CD2-978A-096F52EE9376@earthlink.net> A guy came with DSL and installed the internet right here in the house! So I don't have to hobble out to a coffee shop to talk to you guys. Just hobble into the kitchen, and get my exercise elsewhere. The nurse also came, and inflicted various wound-cleaning rituals on me. I'll be grateful in the long run. As opposed to the short hobble. Doctor day after tomorrow, perhaps with a Florida prognosis. Man, it's gettin' cold up here. Joe -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/haldeman-announce/attachments/20091202/5041ca01/attachment.htm From haldeman at earthlink.net Thu Dec 3 22:55:07 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Thu, 3 Dec 2009 22:55:07 -0500 Subject: 2/3/09 Thursday update, from Joe Message-ID: (An old friend who has gone through the cancer mill asked me about how I felt immediately after surgery, and then later . . . ) . . . my earliest recollections after I went under were a series of ghastly dream images, where I was involved (as a third-person character) in painful and disgusting ways. But for some reason I think that those were only in the first hours after surgery. When I slowly came out of it I was of course drugged to the gills, but my memories are mostly pleasant, a succession of close friends coming by. I could spell out responses (couldn't talk because of tracheotomy) on a Speak 'n' Spell board. A measure of how out-of-it I was . . . when they prepped me for the ambulance ride to my recovery hospital, they pulled out -- yanked! -- the tube than ran down my nose to my stomach, and the catheter up my penis. I hadn't really been aware of either! Good thing, I suppose. When I was recovering in the bed-rest place, I went through a kind of dreamy fugue state. I was aware that I had come extremely close to dying several times, but my feeling about that was eerily positive. "If I had died I wouldn't even have known it," and so forth. That calm acceptance has evaporated, replaced by my normal state of mild anxiety. I'm still experiencing a variety of post-op depression. Mostly a constant desire to sleep, some of which is just physical recovery, but I recognize that part of it is "if I'm asleep I don't have to deal with anything." I'll talk to the doc about it tomorrow. I don't want to join the Prozac Nation, but I wonder if there's a short-term, less powerful medication that could make me a little more peppy and productive. I hate creeping around like a fucking invalid, and don't like the application of that word to myself, with its double meaning. I'm still in constant low-level pain, which is manageable with naproxin but never goes completely away. It's a distraction, but I can't blame it on my low productivity. The current novel's in a rough patch anyhow, and I wish I could bring 100% of my ability to it. Fortunately, everyone around me, very much including my editor, is forgiving and understanding. So I inch along knowing this, too, shall pass. Love, Joe -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/haldeman-announce/attachments/20091203/92a8ba88/attachment.htm From haldeman at earthlink.net Fri Dec 4 16:57:10 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Fri, 4 Dec 2009 16:57:10 -0500 Subject: 12/4 Friday update Message-ID: <1355C072-91C5-4B1F-B591-1A5BC65FE238@earthlink.net> We're headed home! The surgeon released me, and Gay's been on the phone arranging things. Be back home in Gainesville about 1700 Wednesday. Have a doctor appointment down there on Friday, so that aspect of life will continue uninterrupted. Still a couple of surgeries to go, but at least I'll be able to recuperate in the sunshine. And I'll recover much faster, surrounded by my telescopes and art stuff. Joe We'll be flying, not driving. A much shorter trip. Love, Gay -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/haldeman-announce/attachments/20091204/c72a8382/attachment.htm From haldeman at earthlink.net Sat Dec 5 11:52:11 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Sat, 5 Dec 2009 11:52:11 -0500 Subject: 12/5 Sat update Message-ID: <4AF43C30-4E1D-44D9-ABBB-A6F3BB137E0D@earthlink.net> Thanks for the good wishes, all. Gay and I are both still adjusting to the idea -- I guess out of self-preservation we haven't let ourselves be too optimistic. It was undramatic enough. The doc looked at my tubes and wounds and said, well, you could go home now if you want. Do you feel okay to fly? In fact, I'm not sure I would need a plane. Just have to get in touch with my primary care doctor at the VA in Gainesville, who will hook me up with a couple of specialists -- a gastrointestinal surgeon and a radiology person (who follows up on CRT results). Then let un-nature take its course. Then there are the non-medical complications of having lived in a borrowed apartment for months. Getting everything spic and span and scouring the place for our gear. Mail home a few boxes of books and magazines. Get the borrowed car in shape. As a celebration, when it got dark we drove through "A Holiday in Lights" at a local park, Sharon Woods. Lots of garish electricity in the service of Santa and Hannukah and Xmas and all. We stopped at an exhibition hall and watched a Scrooge puppet. Gay got her annual gingerbread man. Gosh, the excitement. Joe _I_ enjoyed the lights, anyway. Love, Gay -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/haldeman-announce/attachments/20091205/7541d4d3/attachment.htm From haldeman at earthlink.net Wed Dec 9 21:58:47 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Wed, 9 Dec 2009 21:58:47 -0500 Subject: 12/9 Wednesday update Message-ID: <85245CC8-44EA-4E99-BCC0-AC9CB0CBB665@earthlink.net> We're finally home in Gainesville! Thought it would never happen. Joe's doing okay, though tired. More details soon. Love, Gay -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/haldeman-announce/attachments/20091209/9984463e/attachment.htm From haldeman at earthlink.net Thu Dec 10 10:21:44 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Thu, 10 Dec 2009 10:21:44 -0500 Subject: Photos References: <00eb01ca7992$ef00beb0$cd023c10$@com> Message-ID: <176F9FF4-FC93-4849-B562-D79182FDB6CC@earthlink.net> Begin forwarded message: > From: "Lorena" > Date: December 10, 2009 7:18:51 AM EST > To: "'Gay Haldeman'" > Cc: "'Jagruti S. Patel'" , "'Alice Haldeman'" > > Subject: FW: 12/9 Wednesday update > Reply-To: > > YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!! Aunt Gay and Uncle Joe are home! Sure, only a > week before when they?d be home if the semester had worked out, > but? wow. What a curve ball. > > > > Here are photos I took last night: > > http://www.flickr.com/photos/haldechick/tags/homefromcincy/ > > > > > > > > From: haldeman-announce-bounces at mit.edu [mailto:haldeman-announce- > bounces at mit.edu] On Behalf Of Gay Haldeman > Sent: Wednesday, December 09, 2009 9:59 PM > To: haldeman-announce at mit.edu > Subject: 12/9 Wednesday update > > > > We're finally home in Gainesville! Thought it would never happen. > Joe's doing okay, though tired. More details soon. Love, Gay > ? -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/haldeman-announce/attachments/20091210/ee3e31ae/attachment.htm -------------- next part -------------- An embedded and charset-unspecified text was scrubbed... Name: ATT00209.txt Url: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/haldeman-announce/attachments/20091210/ee3e31ae/attachment.txt -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/haldeman-announce/attachments/20091210/ee3e31ae/attachment-0001.htm From haldeman at earthlink.net Thu Dec 10 14:08:01 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Thu, 10 Dec 2009 14:08:01 -0500 Subject: 12/10 Thurs update Message-ID: <4C801C02-AC9F-4325-A15A-DC0B041C983F@earthlink.net> Tim and Lore and Barbara met us at the airport with a hastily organized flashmob of another half-dozen friends, and a big sign that Barb had printed up, welcoming us home. Then we went back to our house, where Tim had made a huge crockpot full of roast beef and vegetables, simmering since morning. We had a good feast and chat, though I had to excuse myself every hour or so to lie down for a few minutes. Maybe the antibiotic drip I'm getting tomorrow will give me back some energy. Just being home will take me a certain distance. (But then I do have to gird myself and hit the mall for St. Nick.) Joe Brandy and Christina set us up with enough groceries to get us through a couple of days, too. The trip home was relatively uneventful, in spite of the weather. It started to snow as we were taxiing down the runway! Love, Gay -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/haldeman-announce/attachments/20091210/da74211f/attachment.htm From haldeman at earthlink.net Fri Dec 11 23:26:34 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Fri, 11 Dec 2009 23:26:34 -0500 Subject: 12/11 Friday update Message-ID: <38863802-74CD-43BD-AB19-2EF80A427604@earthlink.net> Joe went to the VA primary care doc today and we did all the requests and paperwork, etc. The doc didn't have the lab results, but he had spoken to Dr. Ellis in Cincinnati. I called Dr. Ellis's office and they faxed the lab results. We'll know more next week, they say. He's requested an Infectious Disease consult and a surgery consult and a nutrition consult. So now we're in the pipeline, anyway. Joe's feeling pretty good, but he slept for three hours after the VA ordeal. Then we went to Brandy and Christina's for dinner and a movie and he stayed awake. Love, Gay From haldeman at earthlink.net Mon Dec 14 12:17:10 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Mon, 14 Dec 2009 12:17:10 -0500 Subject: 12/14 Monday update Message-ID: Got a marvelous book of poetry and poetics in the mail Friday -- _Unlocking the Poem_, by Ottone Riccio and Allen Beth Seigel. Riccio ("Ricky") led a poetry workshop in Boston for 40 years; I attended for about 25 years, during the fall semester when I was teaching at MIT. Part of Ricky's teaching method was to issue challenges, like "It is a dark night, with no moon. You see a bright star in the southern sky. It is blue -- the light is blue -- unmistakably blue, and it does not move. Any form, sixteen to eighteen lines. For extra challenge, try incorporating a rhyme scheme of your own devising." I wrote this in response -- The Star (from and for Arthur C. Clarke) That star flared up the week my mother died: Nova Scorpius, low in the southeast -- the brightest in nine hundred years, so bright you could see it with the sun up. "Star of Peace," they called it, the propagandists on both sides, because they signed their treaty then. At least neither one took credit for the light. That was God's doing . . . God the Beast of Sacrifice: seven planets spun around that star. Could any one of them have harbored life? The scientists say not. A hot blue star like that is just too young. There were no scientists at Bethlehem when in the east a star flared up so hot and bright and blue and young. That week the Earth was bathed in radiance. They say wise men came forth. Did planets burn to cinders in the light? And mothers die, to celebrate the birth? (My little Xmas offering.) The book has 450 such assignments, in 337 pages, along with illustrative poems from Ricky's students. Nine by yours truly. I'm feeling better, after several days of reversal. Should hear from the doc today. Why do I always get sick on Friday? Joe PS from Gay: He has an appointment Wednesday to get him into the surgical clinic. We've been walking around the block every day, so he's getting stronger. Love, Gay -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/haldeman-announce/attachments/20091214/721341ea/attachment.htm From haldeman at earthlink.net Thu Dec 17 22:03:17 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:03:17 -0500 Subject: 12/17 Thursday update, from Joe Message-ID: <4163F2FB-FF0C-4D42-A870-F26F754B9F9C@earthlink.net> I went to the doc yesterday and he said he would set me up with appointments with various specialists (and indeed two called today). But even with an appointment, I sat around from eleven till five to talk with a doc for ten minutes. Unusual for our VA, in my experience. Of course the holidays are a factor. Felt low today. Here insert some disgusting medical stuff, so I don't have to revisit it. Tired all the time, and weaker than I was in Cincinnati. No serious pain, though, and no nausea, no trouble eating. (A curious phenomenon is that my appetite suddenly switches off after about half a normal meal. Then I can eat again an hour later. Probably due to digestivus interruptis. Cut a foot and a half out of your bowel and the darnedest things happen.) Gay and I walked around for a while today and then went to the print shop to get some stuff bound. Then we went over to Brandy and Christina's for a nice spaghetti dinner. Our TV self-destructed last night. Repairman coming tomorrow, but I'm not sanguine. Looked like the tube blowing out. Very pretty for a few seconds. Joe PS from Gay: The car battery died yesterday in the VA Hospital parking lot. Had to get a new one. Thank heavens for AAA. -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/haldeman-announce/attachments/20091217/208df13b/attachment.htm From haldeman at earthlink.net Mon Dec 21 21:09:17 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Joe Haldeman) Date: Mon, 21 Dec 2009 21:09:17 -0500 Subject: 12/21 Monday update Message-ID: Joe's back in the hospital, in Gainesville this time. He's been weak and sleeping and not able to do much for days now. Yesterday and today he was running a fever, so I took him to the VA. clinic The doc there had said to come into Urgent Care if he started running a fever. After much waiting and talking to various people, he was admitted to the hospital for a few days to coordinate all his care. He's getting a CT scan as I type and is about to get an IV antibiotic. We have our fingers crossed that he'll be out for Christmas. He isn't feeling particularly bad, but he isn't thriving. We both hope this'll solve the problems. Love, Gay From haldeman at earthlink.net Tue Dec 22 21:36:28 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Tue, 22 Dec 2009 21:36:28 -0500 Subject: 12/22 Tuesday update Message-ID: The IV antibiotics have Joe feeling much better. The clear liquid diet doesn't help, though. ( "Can I have a hamburger," says Joe.) The CT scan shows an abscess between his stomach and his pancreas, as well as other pockets of fluid in his abdomen. The surgeons are exploring options, perhaps another drain as well as moving the drain he already has. The surgeon also thinks he may need to go in and remove more of the pancreas, ugh. Nothing definite yet. By evening the doctor had agreed to put him back on solid food. How does a guy who's supposed to put on weight do that on a clear liquid diet? Sigh. Joe's spirits are good; mine are a bit frayed but holding. Love, Gay From haldeman at earthlink.net Wed Dec 23 10:02:27 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Wed, 23 Dec 2009 10:02:27 -0500 Subject: 12/23 Tuesday update, good news Message-ID: The news this morning is that they're not going to operate any time soon. He's responding well to the antibiotics. And they're looking at an endoscopic operation to put a stent into the problem area, instead of a full scale abdomenal operation. But apparently not soon. He's feeling 100% better. Yay! Love, Gay From haldeman at earthlink.net Thu Dec 24 22:42:32 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Thu, 24 Dec 2009 22:42:32 -0500 Subject: 12/24 Thursday update, Christmas eve Message-ID: <07893B9E-119B-4B36-ABB6-784C0DD21A71@earthlink.net> Merry Christmas to everyone! Joe felt pretty good all day. He has to stay in the hospital over Christmas, but his noisy roommates have gone, mostly. He'll have lots of company tomorrow, I think... The family here has decided to put off Christmas morning until Joe can be here. We had Christmas of 1968 in February 1969, waiting for him to return from Vietnam; we can do it again. We hope we don't have to wait until February this time. Love, Gay From haldeman at earthlink.net Sat Dec 26 22:23:22 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Sat, 26 Dec 2009 22:23:22 -0500 Subject: 12/26 Saturday update Message-ID: We had a pretty nice Christmas. Lots of family and friends at home for lunch and dinner and they did almost all the work; everyone went to see Joe in relays. Joe's been up and down, but is mostly feeling pretty good. We're not sure what's happening; they may remove or move the drain in his abdomen. They may or may not let him go home soon. Today he suddenly needed a transfusion of red blood cells. He felt much better after the transfusion. So we wait. He wasn't eating much, but the food suddenly got much better. Go figure. I've been bringing him healthy stuff from home. I don't like these surprises, though he's happy with the better food. Love, Gay From haldeman at earthlink.net Mon Dec 28 20:35:21 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Joe Haldeman) Date: Mon, 28 Dec 2009 20:35:21 -0500 Subject: 12/28 Monday update Message-ID: A quick note from Joe, still confined to the hospital . . . All the joking about vampires seems to have some justification in fact. The docs saw my red blood-cell count was declining and gave me a couple of units of blood. Half an hour later, I seemed to join the human race. Voice strong, feeling good. But I still have to be hooked up to a drip (sounds like some marriages) for at least a month, for antibiotics. Might save me an operation, so I'm all for it, though I suppose I should be altruistic and refuse, to help preserve the microecology. If any bug can get to me after six weeks of intravenous antibiotics, you don't want to be on the same planet with it. I'm in very little pain, and not taking any profound drugs for it. Just trying to be patient, reading good books. The only other patient in the room is an overbearing blowhard, and I'm extremely tired of hearing him repeat the same opinions over and over in a voice that has the carrying power of an enervating foghorn. But then I overhear his daughter trying to cope with him -- she's only "able" to come in for an hour every third day or so -- and I guess I can be thankful that I will eventually leave him behind. Right now I'm reading Susan Vreeland's LUNCHEON OF THE BOATING PARTY, a historical novel about the Impressionists, which revolves around Renoir's painting of the same name. The painting was meant to be a response to criticism of the group, and the novel is told from the point of view of several of the artists and hangers-on in the picture, which gives the book a delightful in-joke dimension. The food at the VA hospital is rarely any good, and a clerical error has given me all kinds of interesting limitations. When I was on a liquid diet, prior to cat scanning, all I could have was variations on high-carb Kool-aid, which sent my blood sugar sideways, but that was just a blip. I would be in a real dietary bind if I had to subsist on the diabetic diet. Much of it is so bad I literally can't swallow it; glottis on strike. Bring back that Kool-aid! But Gay keeps me going by bringing in big sandwiches from home, liquid protein, and microwavable goodies. Don't yet know when I'll be able to go home. Might be only a couple of days, but no one wants to commit. (The doctor in charge of my case is in the Bahamas for a couple of weeks.) Right now I only have two antibiotics dripping into my pic line (haven't seen it written down, so that might be PIC or PiC or whatever). I suppose the next four weeks will be rotation of various kinds. I've had lots of company. Lore comes by almost every day, and Christina and Brandy almost as often. (Four hours later . . . ) No food or water for four or five hours, and then a fluoroscopic movie while they injected my pancreas with something. Hospital starting to fill up. I'll send this home for Gay to throw into the sky, hoping to hit a carrier pigeon -- Joe PS from Gay: No results from the fluoroscopy yet. I got a lesson in taking care of an IV, so I think they're planning to let him go home soon. Hope! Our usual New Year's Eve party is still on, with Lore and Tim as hosts, in case Joe and I are at the hospital. So much help is wonderful. Love, Gay -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://mailman.mit.edu/pipermail/haldeman-announce/attachments/20091228/e4a201b9/attachment.htm From haldeman at earthlink.net Tue Dec 29 21:22:07 2009 From: haldeman at earthlink.net (Gay Haldeman) Date: Tue, 29 Dec 2009 21:22:07 -0500 Subject: 12/29 Tuesday update Message-ID: Joe's still in the hospital, feeling a lot better. Still don't know when he'll get to come home, but his loud roommate is gone. Hooray! Love, Gay